Dating guy messy home

[Danceandfootymum]

Would you stop seeing a person you are dating if you found his home to be dirty & cluttered? And if so what would you say?

Your question is could you imagine living in that home? Or could you live with him turning your home into the same?

If not, then walk away.

Is he at least aware that his home is dirty and cluttered?

Both those words can be used to describe my place right now, but that’s largely due to 1. me having a toddler near enough full time. 2. I’m living in a project house that needs a complete overhaul (electrics, new kitchen & bathroom and a complete redecoration).

The intention on my part is there to change it!

Unless it was a very casual fling it’d be a deal breaker for me, assuming no unusual reasons for mess/dirt (eg lone parent of DC with additional needs, house being renovated)

Same here. Couldn't put up with an untidy partner and wouldn't want to live together as I know I'd end up the housekeeper/cleaner and we'd both begrudge me constantly nagging him to make some effort.

Ugh grim. Does he have poor personal hygiene too?

I wouldn't be interested at all. I wouldn't want to go to his place and I certainly wouldn't want him to come to mine, either. It's really hard to think he's hygienic, too, ugh.

Cluttered possibly - depends how much clutter and the type there was. Dirty no.

Ick ick ick

You’ll be his cleaner if you ever move in together.

Doesn’t take much for a single man to keep his home reasonably clean and tidy

I have ended a relationship for this reason

Depends on the dirt and the clutter, if it was months or years of dirt and hoarding clutter absolutely not, if it was a week or two's not hoovering and some piles to sort, that would not be ideal but would be ok.

I wouldn't be volunteering to clean anyone else's house, I would tell them (and have) to get a cleaner and all chores shared fairly after that. If they weren't up for that, nope.

If you are middle-aged, though, and you expect to find men with clean tidy nice non cluttered homes, men who are divorced or living alone, then I have some news for you. There are not very many. Unless they have already got a cleaner.

Ugh no, is he thinking he can sit back in his grime and you’ll clean up behind poor diddums because you’re a woman and it’s not his thing? How much mess can you tolerate him leaving in your bathroom, your kitchen, your bed…?

ETA if he understands how and why he should use soap?

No way would I stick with a chap whose personal cleanliness and hygiene, tidiness and care for his home didn’t match (as much as possible) my standards.

Me being me, I’d be itching to sort him out.
No way. Been there, done that.

Yes same, I realised if it got more serious and I wasn’t willing to live like that I would end up doing the lionshare of all housework.

On the flip side me and DP are both very “clean” he’s probably a bit tidier

I’m untidy myself, I could live with clutter etc. Dirt and grime is a different matter though.

I think they drag you down to their level. Been married to a man with no interest in the house or garden for 31 years. Worn down I have neither the will or energy to bother anymore.

Was it dirty and cluttered when he knew you were coming over? If yes the fact he made no effort to clean for you tells you all you need to know. He doesn’t care about your comfort

my house was getting cluttered with stuff I didn’t want or need so started clearing/donating/stop buying stuff. It’s always clean even without people coming round

I had a brief fling with a guy whose house was absolutely gross, not cluttered but grimey. He was divorced and it honestly made me thing his ex wife must have done everything for him. I never went back. Put me right off and not just the grime.

Dirty, absolutely not. There's zero excuse for living in a dirty home. There's a difference in someone being unwell and hasn't been able to clean, to someone who can't be arsed.

Cluttered, depends in what way. If a room looks cluttered due to oversized or too much furniture, that's likely liveable. A room that's cluttered because someone has too many items, and not enough storage, might be liveable. You can help someone declutter or rearrange a room. A lot of people find decluttering difficult.

Yes. I'd just say this relationship isn't working for me, wish him well and move on!

I’m dating a woman who’s home is very cluttered, and a bit dirty to be honest- but it’s her house not mine- I don’t live there so not my issue really.

my house is clean and tidy and we almost certainly never live together- so I don’t really let it worry me that much

Depends what you are looking for in life, if you want to live together then I'd say that ending it would be best unless he has been ill recently and hasnt been able to keep on top of things.

My house is cluttered and thats because DD has returned from Uni and my little house is full with 3 adults and all our belongings...the great sort out has commenced but its work in progress.

My house can sometimes be dirty as in the kitchen floor might need a mop and some dishes need doing, it depends how the week is going and who's at home to do it.

Depends on what the dirt and the clutter is.

Clutter can be systemically having what looks like too much stuff (I have a friend like this- her house stresses me out because my mind craves calm environments, but she doesn’t even see it, couldn’t even think about living there if I needed to)

or clutter can be basically not getting rid of the rubbish (eg bought a thing, didn’t throw away the box) for this one see: dirty

dirty though - is that some dusty surfaces here and there or is it things like dirty kitchen and bathroom that’s obviously not being regularly cleaned?

it would be dirty that puts me off. It indicates he can’t be bothered with housework, there’s a fair chance he thinks it’s women’s work and you’d be an unpaid slave household wise.

Yea it was layers of dust around the toilet possibly even wee
even the bottles of bleach had dust on

then the kitchen sink work tops & floor looked dusty & dirty

Lord a mercy. He is dirt blind like a teenager.

Yep I’d move on having been in a relationship with one of these for 15 years, it doesn’t change.