I (F, 22) and my boyfriend (M, 22) are in a long-distance cross-continents relationship, and I don't know how to cope with not knowing if we have a future

[lena8007]

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship. I've known my partner for a little over two years, and we've been together for almost a year and a half. We met as university students in the UK, me in London and him in York, but he happened to spend a year in London for a temporary job before finishing his degree. That year is when we became really close friends, and that friendship slowly turned into something more.

I want to say a bit about him, because I think it matters. He's genuinely my best friend. We can talk for hours about anything, we laugh at the same stupid things, and we have so much in common that being with him has always felt easy and natural. He's one of the kindest people I've ever met, and he's also incredibly smart and wise in a quiet, grounded way. When I'm overthinking or upset, he's the one who helps me see things clearly without ever making me feel small. He understands me in a way very few people do. I don't just love him, I really want him in my life, his kindness, his mind, his calm, all of it. Being with him has made me a better and happier person.

From September 2025 we did long distance between London and York. I had graduated a year before him and started working full time, while he had one more year left of his bachelor's. We took the train back and forth a lot, and honestly, it was fine. We made it work because we both wanted to.
The complication is where we're from. I'm Romanian and moved to the UK, and he's Indian, with his parents living in Dubai. After he graduated, his parents didn't want to fund him staying in the UK while he looked for work, so he had to move to Dubai. Since July 2026 we've been doing long distance between London and Dubai, which means we only really get to talk on the phone in the evenings and text during the day.

He's been applying for jobs in London, but the job market is awful right now and he's struggling to find anything that pays well enough. On top of that, his parents don't really care about our relationship and wouldn't do anything to help it. Now they're going through something of a midlife crisis: they want to move back to India and start a business, and they're pushing him, someone with a law degree, to build that business for them, move to India with them, and work there.

I have no idea what's going to happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't feel I'm entitled to do anything, because it's his life and his decision. I want him to be happy, truly. But the uncertainty is wearing me down. Not knowing if I'll ever see him again, putting my whole heart into this without knowing whether there's a future at the end of it, is harrowing, and it's affecting my mental health quite badly.

I don't know what I should do, or what perspective I should take to get through this. Has anyone been in something similar? How did you cope with the not-knowing, and how did you decide whether to keep going?

Thank you for reading this far.

I would end this relationship before he ends
this relationship at his parents behest or pressure. It’s not worth teaching your mental health over and ultimately you need to date someone who is far nearer.

If he’s in Dubai he’s got no real chance of working in London due to visa regulations around working in the UK. He has no realistic chance of being hired.

This relationship is a non starter now and he will go onto marry an Indian woman. He’s not going to go against his parents and he has seemingly not done much if really anything to convince them that you are his person. I am so very sorry to write that but you are still young with the world at your feet so make a good life for yourself.

You're 22, relationships should be fun at this age. This is way too much stress and angst, your youth will fly by, please look for men with whom you can easily have a future. Don't wait around and waste your youth.

Would you be willing to move to another area of the UK where you both could get lucrative employment? If not, set a timeline of how much longer you're willing to wait until going your separate ways. In your shoes, I'd let him know this in a gentle way, that investing longer when the odds are against you living in the same city isn't good for your heart and mental health.

I honestly think you can get in control of the situation by deciding this isn't some Romeo and Juliet thing, it's your first fling and you're well smitten but the likelihood of this going the distance is infinitesimal due to various factors.

I'd end it, on your own terms, calmly and with the foresight that this is about to get messy and you don't want to go with it.

You're 22. It was long distance. As gently as possible, do you even know each other in reality? I'd say probably not enough to pin your hopes on this working out. Let it go, live your life. I hope it's a long and happy and full one.

London is full to the brim with eligible young men you could date, well educated, high earning, from all ethnic backgrounds and political views etc, every option is available. You are 22! Say bye to this man and date a Londoner!

We can talk for hours about anything

Why are you wasting hours on the phone/facetime when you could go and talk with real men in the flesh! You are only young once, leave your room and enjoy London and spend time with friends in person.

Why have you started two threads about this?