Another OLD one...

[Wheresmynicethinggone]

I've recently started on OLD as out of a very long term relationship. In late 40s and not dated since my 20s!

I am aware OLD gets mixed reviews on here...and for good reason it seems! I've already had offers of small dick, opening messages imagining me naked, some totally uninspiring ones, some really lovely and considered ones - just no attraction sadly, and some that have hit the spot, flowed, and then just go silent (which feels rude!).

There has also been complete lulls, followed by more interest than I can handle! 😅

So a mixed bag, as to be expected really! I've only had one meet up...which was nice but I am now in the awkward situation of whether to follow up with that one and what to do with the others that are still in the chat stage but going well!

My head is just exploding 😂

I am not cut out for multiple dating! I swore i wouldnt be a multi-dater but never in my life have I had so many potential openings. All with good points but none pefect! I am only now beginning to understand the relevance of the "exclusivity chat"!

Posted too soon! 😅

How do those of you who are naturally more one-person-at-a-time manage this stage? Do you keep chatting/meeting a few people until one naturally starts to stand out, or do you deliberately narrow things down quite early?

I don't want to prematurely close off potentially lovely people after a couple of messages, but equally I don't think I've got the bandwidth to properly get to know several men at once without my head falling off 😂

And how do you stop yourself feeling slightly guilty when you're having good conversations with more than one person, even though nobody has actually agreed to exclusivity?

Are you expecting exclusivity before even meeting?

No! I guess its because i have met someone in person but I am still interested to continue conversations id already had...plus another who had dropped off has come back!

I have no RL experience of this to draw on either! Ive only ever met someone, chatted, dated and things naturally progress. I have never been a juggler 😅

I am just aware there has been a bit of a cultural shift since online dating and my last dating experiences. Not sure what the expectations are! Mine or anyone else's tbh!

I know it doesn't help you OP, but I am so pleased I am out of all this. I dabbled in OLD years ago when it was just a few websites, and it was dire then. It seems even worse today.

Good luck.

P.S.
If you can, get a dog. No shortage of single people out dog walking.

Jumping on as a newly divorced woman who just can’t bring myself to try OLD for these reasons. I’ve never really dated, at all. Had been with exH for 20 years. I have a dog but haven’t met anyone single - where do I need to go for this @HappiestSleeping?

Im finding I want to try dating but it seems so scary.

If you're chatting to them, a lot of them will filter themselves out quite naturally.

I met my partner on Tinder so I'm no longer doing OLD but I am job hunting. My best mate is looking to date but feels like you do about OLD.

I have suggested she treats it like a job hunt eg just because you had a good first interview you wouldn't stop applying for other positions and if another employer got in touch you wouldn't tell them you weren't interested - you'd keep your options open until you saw if the job you'd interviewed for went any further.

OLD can be a depressing and confusing place but I think approaching it in a more practical - as opposed to emotional - way is a good plan, you do need a thick skin at times though!

This is a super helpful tip! Thank you!!
And yes...I guess i am adjusting to this being the kind of dating landscape these days! It's more of an application process 😅

I live near the south downs and the dog will give you the opportunity to talk to people with no agenda.

That said, I wouldn't recommend going to places that have car parks late in the evening. Don't ask me how I know, I just know 🤦‍♂️

When I used dating apps I was very strict on filtering, so this naturally whittled it all down to very very few people. The people who didn’t display any of my dealbreakers I would then meet- this was not many people at all. I didn’t have any bad experiences, but didn’t meet anyone I clicked with either. But I found the process of having to interact with creepy weirdos unpleasant, and somewhere along the line I realised the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze in terms of relationships generally and I intend to single now. It’s been 8 years now and I can’t see that changing (I’m 36).

So yeah, a long winded way of saying expect to encounter a lot of unpleasant people, block quickly and have high standards. Also keep in mind that many people using dating apps aren’t using it because they want to meet someone, they may be bored, not single, seeking validation etc etc.