DH waking me up at 3am…AGAIN!

[dogsaremybusiness]

I had a thread in here before about this. My DH has a habit of drinking, and falling asleep with the TV on. So I wake up at say 1am, hear the noise and go down to switch it all off. Then he’ll come to bed around 3/4am and I’m woken again. Then I’m up for work at 630am. Well yesterday I had surgery. Same thing has happened and I’ve been awake since 3am. He was so good yesterday looking after me, but this just feels insane to me right now. He’s snoring like a hog so I’m now on the sofa wide awake and my work starts at 7am (from home). He’s supposed to be covering for me today but I think he will not wake up tbh.

Have you talked to him about packing in drinking at night time? Maybe just not having alcohol in the house? If he won't countenance that, then he's dependent.

You have had surgery and are drinking wine? This doesn't sound good, Op. None of it sounds good at all.

Have you spoken to him about it? What does he say?

Timer plugs, blankets, spare rooms…
All these are just sticking-plaster solutions.
Even putting alcohol aside, why does he care about you so little that he comes to bed and wakes you up when you’ve asked him not to?
…You have asked him not to, right?

Have him wear headphones to listen to the telly, and if he falls asleep, the deal should be that he stays put there till the morning (not 3am!). I also agree with others that you both seem to have a not-so-healthy relationship with alcohol.

Like we have a rule that if the other is on a night out and comes in they just sleep on sofa and not wake the other one

id not put up with this

he sounds like a loser though tbh so cringe sorry - like does he not go out or have any hobbies ? His for fun activity is drinking alone and watching tv? So boring

Why aren't you staying in hospital if you've just had surgery

Did he wake up and cover your work?
He is being inconsiderate with his behaviour. You need to talk with him and reach a compromise. If he won't and didn't do ad he said in getting up to cover for you then he doesn't respect you and I'm not sure why you'd be in a relationship with soneone like that.

Depending on the surgery, it's perfectly reasonable to be discharged the same day.

The habit is the drinking which causes all the problems.

Obviously the drinking needs to stop, because that causes the falling asleep on the sofa, and the awful snoring.

However, if you don't want to confront the drinking issue then a workaround might be him coming to bed at a normal time and if you have a tablet or computer then he can watch TV on that with headphones, which means you can both fall asleep in bed.

Ask him to stop it. Tell him how it's affecting you. If he won't stop it, then sleep in a separate room. Convert the lounge into a bedroom if you don't have a spare room. Failing that separate roofs.

This is nonsense, none of the advice you had last post seems to have landed, you're about to get a load of the same again. What is it you're looking for this time?

This is true, I've had quite a few day surgeries under general anaesthetic. However you are told you need a responsible adult with you over night after this - which isn't someone who's drunk themselves to sleep!

Your first line is my DH has a habit of drinking.

Are you sure you're not in denial/defending him?
X

He is a functioning alcoholic

My husband used to do this.
He died of alcoholism aged 37

Why are you working the day after surgery and drinking alcohol the day after surgery? You need to take care of yourself even if he won’t. Alcohol doesn’t make you sleepy, it’s a sedative and causes worse sleep quality.

Obviously the drinking needs to stop, because that causes the falling asleep on the sofa, and the awful snoring.

My DH doesn’t need alcohol to fall asleep on the settee and snore!

"He's not an alcoholic he doesn't drink every day" and "I had wine to make me sleepy" are both suggesting that you don't have a normal relationship with alcohol either. I think most people know alcoholics come in all shapes and forms, and the main thing is if it impacts your normal functioning- his does. I've never heard of someone having a glass of wine at 4am - and the night after surgery.
I would;

• have a heart to heart with dh and agree to get rid of all alcohol in your house
• agree he sees the GP re his snoring, my dh snores, he wears nose strips and we both sleep better now
• set a timer on the tv and aim to go to bed together - I think a couple regularly not going to bed together by choice are in trouble tbh, it's nice sharing an evening routine, falling asleep together etc
• if you need help sleeping get some melatonin or ask the GP for some help and avoid caffeine and definitely alcohol

I suspect you'll do none of this because I suspect you both have an issue with alcohol and aren't wishing to address it.

This! 100% if that’s where he falls asleep then that’s where he stays so he’s not disturbing others.

I’d look at the TV setting and see if you can see a timers etc so it’s not on all night

The drinking then falling asleep may also need a conversation if that’s becoming a regular occurrence.

For the practical short term, I agree about a timer or smart plug for the TV. Then a latch for the bedroom door, and earplugs for you. But those are all sticking plasters hiding the bigger problem.

OP is a child of an alcoholic and an alcoholic herself so will have a very skewed understanding of an healthy behaviour in relation to alcohol.

She states on another thread that she is the daughter of an alcoholic and struggles to keep her down drinking under control.

I don't think its irrelevant.

You have a problem with alcohol if it starts to impact on daily living. An alcoholic isn’t some bloke on a park bench swigging out of a bottle.

Come on…you know this isn’t the definition of an alcoholic.

Also, did you really have a glass of wine at 4:30 am? Because if you need a glass of wine to sleep at that time of the morning (notice not night because it’s like 2.5 hrs before you start work) then you may also have a problem

As others have said, this doesn't sound good OP and connected to his other issues. If DP can't sleep, he might play a game and sleep on the sofa, rather than come back to bed in the middle of the night.