I’m divorced, he’s an addict, why am I still missing him sometimes?

[Bridgewhat24]

Just having a bit of a wobble recently, thinking about how easy it was, how natural it was when it was good.
He’s infiltrated my dreams lately. We split because of his drinking and lying. I know things weren’t perfect before that, but we loved each other and I believe we could have worked on things if he wasn’t burying his head in a bottle.

He is now selfish where he wasn’t before, and lets our adult kids down, but I still miss him sometimes.

I’m not sure I’ve ever quite let go of the hope he might wake up and do the work, and come back…
can anybody tell me it gets easier?

You don't miss him. You miss the "feeling" when it was good. Sadly the bad times out weigh the good. Concentrate on bringing the good feelings and moments back to yourself and your kids but without his distraction.

Grief for the relationship you expected and hoped to have. It’s such a loss to recognise someone couldn’t or wouldn’t do the work to be with you in a healthy way.

Hope probably kept you with him for some time projecting a positive future and how it would work out etc. So you’re having to let go of those dreams too.

You’re right, I stayed longer with hope and I know he let me down many times. The last 3 years weren’t good, but the 17 before were or the glimpses of feelings I recall were.
I’m grieving the future I thought I had.
Mostly, I’m positive just have a wobble at night every few months . Thank you

20 years for me too.

Al-anon has helped me a lot. Online and in person.

I used to have a sort of blocked pore on my back, near my waist. It would fill up and then I’d give it a squeeze and drain it. I loved messing with it but eventually it sort of stopped filling up. I miss it sometimes. It’s the same.

Love that analogy!!
Yes exactly like that. Tried Al-Anon, ok but I found it more about people coping when stayed together near me.
No answers or magic cure, hopefully it has got easier(?) for some of you

Because even addicts can have some good points. In fact, some of them are amazing musicians, artists, actors amongst other things.

Sadly, it sounds like your ex’s addiction engulfed him and your relationship. The balance was tipped but you remember the good times.