How do I leave my alcoholic husband when I have nothing to my name

[Random456]

Please don’t shoot me down and tell me how stupid I am. I already know this. I got married a few months ago and left my rental property to move in with my husband. Well it turns out he’s a raging alcoholic but he wasn’t drinking when we first met so. I didn’t realise. I got pregnant while he wasn’t drinking and he started again once I was pregnant. I thought things would get better but now I am in his house they are so much worse and I feel so unwelcome and not safe. I have 2 children from a previous relationship. We have recently had a baby. I have no money and no job. How do I get out of this situation. I feel completely helpless. I’m not interested in his assets or gaining anything from this. Just want to get away

Call womens aid tomorrow. Are you in the uk ?
They can help. I was in your position too, but abroad.

Hi op. Have you ever said anything to him, or does he know or tried to get help in the past? Are you safe? does he turn aggressive or violent? Can you go to a relatives? I’d confide in a relative or trusted friend but the main priority is your and the children’s safety. Alcoholism is such a sad disease, I’ve recently had a family member pass from chronic liver and heart issues caused by drinking. He must seek help, on his own accord; you can’t ‘save’ this person even if the stakes are as high as a newborn baby.

Just re-read you feel unsafe. I’m so sorry op, trying to parent a newborn and worrying about this is awful

I don’t have any friends I can go to. I could go to my mums but I’m so ashamed. He does get aggressive but not violent

If you can go to your Mum's then go there OP.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is his. You need to keep yourself and your children safe

Do not be ashamed to go to your mum.

You would want your children to come to you.
she will help you.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. The situation has changed. it’s not your fault.

Talk to your mum x x x

Don’t put your shame above your child’s safety. As others have said it’s his shame not yours. This isn’t your fault but if you don’t leave and something happens to your children you will be partially responsible. Do it for them.

You’re not stupid at all. You’re in an awful situation and thank goodness you’ve realised you need to go now. Go to your mum’s, there’s no need to feel ashamed. You didn’t cause this. Protect your children, and protect yourself for your children’s sake if you don’t feel able to do it for your own sake just now.

Going to your mums would be a good option. Failing that, do you have a friend you can confide in?

I suppose I’m just trying to keep normality for the children as well and if I go to my mums they can’t go to school and they’ll no somethings wrong. But I need to look at the bigger picture I guess

Go to your mum's. Don't worry about feeling ashamed, you haven't done anything wrong - he has. Your children need you to get them away from him, they can't do it themselves. Please just pack your bags and go. Once you're at mum's, everything can be sorted out.

The thing is, a child living with an alcoholic is not and should never be considered in any way 'normal'. And if you think you've been able to hide his behaviour from your children, you're wrong. Children are very perceptive and pick up on things and emotions we think we've carefully hidden away.

Go to your mum's. School, job, money can all be worked out once you're there. A good start would be to file a CMS claim for your child with him and be sure the child benefits are in your name.

I'm not in the UK, but isn't there a half-term sometime in October? That would be a perfect time to go, if you can wait til then.

Listen, you don't need to feel ashamed. You made a choice that turned out to be the wrong one. Who hasn't done that? I'm certainly not going to 'throw stones'. And if you're worried about what your mum will say, well, won't it be worth an 'I told you so' from her if that means you and your children will be safe and at peace. It would be worth 1000 'I told you so's to me to get away from an alcoholic.

I left my alcoholic husband of 38 years a year ago. I'm retired, so no minor kids. I didn't hear 'I told you so' from anyone, but I did hear a chorus of 'I'm so glad's. So you may be surprised at your mum's reaction.