Lost attraction to my partner and feeling guilty about a crush

[Mumtobe199]

I have been with my partner for 12 years. We have 2 kids. 5 and 2. The 5 year old is autistic. I work part time and have our kids 80% or the time. I am financially dependent on my partner.
we don’t have a bad relationship we don’t really argue or disagree. But I have lost the feeling to want to in short terms rip his clothes off.
there is a guy who is a few years younger that I have that feeling with. —nothing has happened and we don’t flirt have each other on social media but I just think in my head wow what a man, we say hey and polite when passing on the street.

im guessing it’s just a stupid school girl crush type of thing but it’s something that’s bothering me. I know I would never cheat on my partner but I do feel guilty for wanting this guy and not my partner.
help!!!

I don’t think you need to feel guilty for having a crush on this man. It’s totally natural and I think a high percentage of people will have crushes like this 12 years into a relationship - happily married or not. Noticing someone else is attractive is a natural human response so don’t beat yourself up over that.

however it is a wake up call to work on your marriage….or separate

I’m not the best person for this as this happened to me and I did leave my ex as the attraction was just completely not there plus our relationship wasn’t great.

I am still with the guy I left for, and I am more attracted to him than I’ve ever been to anyone before and I still look at him like this every day but it’s not really just attraction, I fell in love with him and that’s what it’s really all about for me.

I think that you are personally unfulfilled in your life. Someone has shown you that life could be different.
Please ask yourself, that whilst are probably feeling fed up, you already have a man that you get on with, children that are at home that you see daily, and this would change if you split up. Seeing your children 50% of the time isn't nice.
Please think about how you could change your current situation. Could you get a friend/family member to sit your children, so you at least get to go out with your partner once a month to remind yourselves what life was like before children and to re-connect?
Is it possible for you to do some part time work while the children are at school/nursery to give you some purpose and money?
I think you've got lost in providing all the care...without any respite or excitement in life for yourself. Find something for yourself that happens at night when your partner can look after the children. You really need to do something for you.

The grass isn't always great on the otherside. You could lose everything. It's not too difficult to improve something a bit stagnant...to something more meaningful if you both work at this.

Thankyou guys for some great outside opinions.
Even if we did choose to split, due to his work he wouldn’t be able to do 50/50 it would be more like 80/20
I do have a small part time job and I love it. It’s mine where I’m not mum. Unfortunately that’s all I have no hobbies no me time and that is something I can look at changing.
your right we don’t date each other anymore. And that’s something we both should make time for. Just don’t know if he is bothered enough to do.
He is a good man an amazing father. I think it could be more the thrill and the unknown with this guy with my imagination running wild. I guess I just feel like I’m living in Groundhog Day and I feel low, down and fed up 99% of the time and didn’t think this is how my life should feel.
Seem to be always imagining the what if’s and feeling like I need something more