Long term relationship and no interest in sex, stay together?

[MismatchedLibido]

My very long term partner and I (not married by choice) have an issue.
He wants to have sex a normal amount. I have absolutely no interest whatsoever. I make myself be intimiate occasionally as I don't want to deprive him, but the reality is I don't want it and this won't change. We have kids (youngest is 10) and live in London. It would be very difficult to seperate due to the cost of housing. Our children would suffer.
Otherwise, things are generally okay, aside from the sexual mismatch.
I have ADHD and thrive on novelty, so feel I would probably be like this with most people if I had been with them for nearly 30 years. I am also knackered all the time.

If we didn't have kids, I expect we would separate, but we do.
I constantly feel like I'm letting him down / he deserves better.
He gets upset / feels rejected. It impacts his mood.
Help!!

It's difficult but if you both want different things I'm not sure there is a compromise here aside from separating. He can't be expected to live without and you shouldn't have to be intimate where you don't want to. It's not fair to either of you.

Have you ruled out any hormonal issues?

Do you not want to sort your low libido OP or do you just feel it will never get better?

I agree about hormones, when you have a low libido you can’t imagine ever wanting it again but hormones can play a huge part in it. I had very low libido in my twenties but then I did natural progesterone for a while and supplements and it changed everything. Low b vitamins/zinc/iron can affect you I always take b vitamin supplements now as they make such a difference to my mood/tiredness etc. Agnus castus herb also for hormone balance. It’s worth looking into supplements or potential deficiencies before giving up on a good relationship.

It's best to consider if your assumptions about why you no longer have interest in sex might be wrong. As said, it can't hurt and could help to start first with the hormone checkup. If a changeup with the division of childcare and chores between you and your husband could use an overall, speak up. If there are other areas in the marriage that could be improved and could be impacting your desire for intimacy with him, speak to him about making those improvements.

Do you have relatives who ever watch the kids so you can have one-on-one time together? Do you have a hobby where you can occasionally have "me time" while your husband holds down the fort? Since you like variety, perhaps try new things in the bedroom like role play, looking up new positions to try, going to a couples store to pick out fun new items to use in the bedroom.

Good luck.