Will leaving put children more at risk?

[Exhaustedconfused1]

I'll try to keep it brief although it's very complicated.

Me and 2 teenage DC's have lived with domestic abuse for years in form of shouting, emotional abuse and aggression from DH.

1 year ago it got worse - both children saying they were scared of him. DS very depressed. Told him I would leave and he said he would get help to manage aggression. Nothing changed.

2 months ago DS started talking of wanting to die - partly due she says to DH temper. DH has reduced the aggression and engaged with agencies to start counselling (not started yet) DS on CAMHS waiting list.

Last week DS attempted suicide.
I want to leave for the safety of DS but also because we all need to. But DH is saying this will put DS more at risk and that i should wait as he is trying to change. I dont know what to do.

I am working with a domestic abuse charity who are wanting me to leave but they don't know about the suical thoughts.

Of course you have the strength to leave, you gave birth to your children - you are strong you are a mama bear !
DO IT.

Your Ds is suicidal because of your dh. That’s the bottom line. Things won’t improve until you leave.

Yes. You must leave today

Your abuser is making your kids depressed and suicidal and you’re thinking about listening to him and staying. If you stay now, you are allowing and enabling the abuse of your children. I am sorry, I know it’s harsh, but it’s true.

Find the strength to leave this man, or find the strength to bury your child 🤷‍♀️

Please leave for the sake of your children. They have told you they are at breaking point, believe them.

I respect your opinion but I do not respect the way that you have worded it. A little more sensitivity would have been nice.

You don't need sensitivity you need to wake up. Yes it's hard to leave but this is the cold hard truth of what is at risk here

I agree it was harshly worded, but it is also facts. You are part of the problem for your children, you are the only one that can get them out of this and you are choosing the easier route for yourself currently. You need to face up to it and leave, hopefully this thread and nearly loosing your child will be the wake up call you desperately need

Can we please give @Exhaustedconfused1 a break? She's been in this situation a long time, she's done her best, she's got a dreadful partner but cruel comments like some of the ones above are not helping.

@Exhaustedconfused1 you know yourself what your children need. I hope you have the rl support and strength to manage it.

Leaving is very, very hard but there IS light onthe other side. For all of you.

Thank you all for your comments. I do not love this man. I have been living in fear for several years. I have no savings and lots of debt so leaving has not been straightforward, although I have wanted to for many years.

Thank you to those who have acknowledged that I am also a victim but I fully understand those criticising me for not doing something sooner.

@Exhaustedconfused1 yes you are absolutely a victim but you have had choices at various stages. You married this man, you had one, and then a second child with him. You gave him second chances. Even when your children encouraged you to leave, you made the decision that keeping the family together was better (I'm not sure for whom...since they asked to leave).
And you are giving him another chance. Again. And at each moment he has never really shown that he wants to change. It's not naivety per se- you have a vision of what your family should be, and you've stuck to that even when your kids have begged you to leave.

Your children have had no chance- they were born into abuse, are living with abuse, have lived on eggshells all their life and have no option to leave. So one of them has tried to take the extreme option in terms of getting themselves out of this abuse. Why don't you try to reframe this in your own head and say that you are finally giving your children a chance to have the live they have repeatedly asked you for? Rather than seeing this as 'I'm leaving my DH and I dont know if it's the right choice.'

I understand you are also a victim here but you clearly need a shock to get you to act and people being sensitive doesn't do that. You are facilitating the abuse of your own child which has driven them to attempt suicide and you are still on here asking if you should leave.

I didn’t say what I said to make you feel good, I said it to wake you up because you’re still prioritising a man who’s driving your own child to suicide.

Have a chat with womens aid. In time and with support such as the freedom programme you will learn that it's not a mental health issue but an active choice by him to be abusive.
I bet he's not abusive
In public
When friends or family are visiting.
In school
This shows control over his behaviour and he knows its unacceptable.
It's very hard to leave but please seek support x