Online dating - am I doing it wrong? Advice please.

[backlitcircles]

I’m very new to the world of OLD. I’ve been unattached for quite a few years now and managed to gain quite a lot of weight. I lost my confidence completely. Over the last 15 months I’ve lost 4 stone, I’m feeling like ‘me’ again and have now registered with a few different apps - Hinge, Match and two others that are faith-related as faith is important to me.

ANYWAY, I’ve got a good range of photos (face, body etc), have answered the questions lightly (without giving too much info away) and asked two friends to give feedback - they think it’s all looking good. I’m 50, professional career, attractive (or that’s what I’m told) and so far I’ve had about 100 ‘likes’ but no matches. Granted, it’s only been 48 hours though!

I’ve had two weird messages - one from a bloke who worked out we must be in the same town and messaged me at 10pm to tell me he was home alone and did I want to ‘go round’. Another message from someone 15 years younger pleading with me to message him as he had a very urgent business proposal to share with me. The ‘likes’ are coming from a mix of characters - some with hideous blurry pictures circa 1989, some 15 years younger, some 15 years older.

I’ve changed my preferences and switched off all the notifications so I can just check when I want to but am I doing this wrong? Are all the sites like this? How on earth does anyone actually meet someone?

a few men in this thread are upset they don’t get hundreds of likes. Don’t be! It’s a really cruel way round of doing it. Women are actually kinder by actually looking at the profile first then deciding if they swipe yes or not. Many men don’t do that. They swipe on everyone. Then get a match. Then look and decide. It’s flipping horrible!
so as a woman you find the one in a hundred you’re prepared to swipe yes on. You do. Match. (Of course)Yippee. Instant dopamine and you start writing your message. Oh wait, you’ve been unmatched before you even send your message. Because it is only then - match stage - that the men looks at your profile to decide left or right. It’s cruel.

there is one platform I think which only allows 10 likes a day or something and that is much better.

on tinder, sometimes I go on there with a black profile, just to check who’s on there, and will have 100+ in less than two minutes. It isn’t a good thing.

Yes. Every church nearly always has one man in particular who is desperate and would marry the first woman with a pulse. My experience so far is that the two main Christian sites are where they all hang out. 😂

This is so true about reading the profiles. My profile says I’d like to meet someone in the same faith but I’ve had dozens of likes from men who self describe as atheists. Fair enough to believe what you want to believe but it’s clear they didn’t look beyond the picture.

I look at the picture and then do a quick scan of values/interests just to see if there’s anything remotely in common. If someone is looking for an athletic gym bunny then clearly, I, lover of food and lazy Sunday afternoons with wine, am not going to be a good match. It takes an extra 30 seconds to glance through a few lines of writing.

Pal of mine met his wife though a Christian dating site. 3 kids now!

I wonder which one. Seems to be two main ones - Salt and Christian Connection.

Come on over to the dating thread, we can navigate the weirdness together xxx

I don't know what the apps are now but when I did it I got VERY difference success rates, and quality of results, from different platforms (for me it was Match, Eharmony and OkCupid). Married now so it was worth perseverance!

The behaviour of both sexes on the apps has led to the mess that it is in now.

Even on here there is a battle of the sexes over who has it worse on the apps.

I’m not sure “upset” is really the phrase I would use.
it’s just a different experience- different in a way that women don’t really seem seem to experience in any way

I did a bit of online dating around 12-15 years ago and it wasn't great then!

I compared notes with friends who were also doing it - male/female; gay/straight and most had similar or comparable issues.

Women who only wanted men who were over 6ft; men who only wanted women who were a size 8-10.

Absolutely terrible photos.

Lots of past hurt shining like beacons in 'witty' profile statements.

People who were just looking for sex (on all sides).

I don't think there's any harm in sticking with it as an option but I'd still recommend getting out of the house and meeting people in real life.