Feel embarrassed after sleeping with ex who lied about seeing someone else

[wigletswiglet]

I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about it :(

I was seeing a guy who was really charming, but so intense and there was lots of little things that made me feel like it wasn't working. We were only going out for just under 3 months and he said the l word, that he'd never met anyone like me or felt like this and that this was the real deal. I broke it off as I felt suffocated but he was very intense so we ended up getting back together and then breaking up almost after a few days a few times over the next 2/3 months. Everytime I broke it off, he'd beg me to change my mind within 24 hours - I never had any space to think and genuinely felt like it'd just be easier to go out with him as he'd never leave me alone.

He broke it off and and I thought I was free. Then he reached out a few weeks later and messaged me - it was lovely and didn't feel intense like it did before. We ended up meeting up for a walk for a few hours on Saturday and then he had to go back to his to meet a friend. He messaged and asked if I wanted to meet up later that evening to go to the pub with his friends. I did and it was lovely. We ended up meeting the next day and ended up sleeping together. I felt like we could go back to where we were and start again.

He was over the moon and said he was so happy. He then asked if I'd been dating since we'd broken up and I said no, but I had slept with someone weeks before when we'd have no contact. I asked him and he said he had been on a few dates and had met someone recently and slept with her. He then said she was texting him a lot and that she had feelings for him, but he didn't really feel a connection with her and was partly just trying to distract himself from thinking about me. It turns out that 'the friend' he had been meeting the day before on the Saturday was actually her. He was also texting her just after we'd slept together and had been texting her in the morning when I was in bed to arrange meeting up with her. He said we'd gotten back together and broken up before so he wasn't sure what was going on with us so he had continued to text her/go ahead as if dating her. I just feel like he had no integrity and I couldn't respect him so it really was the end and I ended it for good.

I just feel awful as if I'd known he was texting her/dating her, I would never have agreed to meet him and would never have slept with him. I just feel so embarrassed and humiliated by it all and how easily he was able to lie :(

He was love bombing you, that’s why you felt suffocated because he didn’t give you a minute to breathe so you’d fall for his act. He then tells you he loves you after 12 weeks! He made you feel uneasy because it was too much, you knew something was amiss because it was an act. He meets someone else while you split up as an option and to you he seems less intense but that’s because he is homing in on this woman love bombing her. He’s not sincere and playing the part of a love sick puppy to hook a woman but people like that are usually players or abusive so count yourself lucky you have seen through his manipulative games. I’d block him in case it doesn’t work with this new woman and you become his target again.

@SpryCat thank you and I know you're right - I've blocked him and was so angry at the time. It's just confusing as he was so lovely and charming at the start that now that my nervous system has calmed down, it can't quite compute how manipulative and dishonest he was. It's making the grieving/moving on process so weird as I know he wasn't right for me, but he said some stuff that really got under my skin like that I might not meet anyone who loved me as much as he did. I know that's crap but when I feel vulnerable and just sad about the break-up, I think what if he was right. I've never met anyone like this and it's really messed with my head

Do you know who the woman is that he has been seeing? If it were me, I would try to give her the heads up about what an utter twat he is!!

Try not to feel bad about it, though you have no need to. You didn't know he was seeing her and moving it all forward with her whilst trying to move it all forward with you..

Put the whole sorry mess behind you. It's been months, not years and years and will become just a blip on your radar in time. Don't waste any more time on him or going over and over it.

Just move positively forward 🤗

and for God sake, don't ever take him back again

he was awful, you have nothing to be ashamed about

Don’t feel ashamed you won’t be the only one that’s been in that situation, think of it as a life lesson, you’ve now been taught something that will make you stronger in the future. Put the past behind you and be happy x

he said some stuff that really got under my skin like that I might not meet anyone who loved me as much as he did

Somebody who really loves you doesn’t say this. If you love someone you should expect most everyone to love them too.

He is the one in the wrong but he is clearly a wrong’un and not good for you. Block him on social media and on your phone and move on with your life.

People who love bomb go for vulnerable people pretending they are the love of your life within weeks, they know exactly how to manipulate you into believing they are your dream partner, they use speed to disarm and keep you dizzy. They then try to get you to believe without them your life is worthless … it’s all smoke and mirrors and once you’re hooked they treat you with contempt and you try to please in order to get the nice guy back but the nice guy wasn’t real it was just an act.

I see it in a different way. Because you wouldn’t commit, he kept his options open which is entirely fine. You didn’t love him and made it clear he was being too much, so he was free to go and sleep with who he pleased

I think your going to have to put this one down to bad experience and not have any contact with him again. Block his number and any socials you may still have with him.
I can never understand these people that one minute profess their love for someone or how much they're in to you yet 5 minutes later they're in the sack with someone else. And I don't think it's exclusive just to men either. I has an ex that had this loose attitude. So glad I finally got her out of my life!