DH has always had a lower libido than me. Wouldn’t say mine is particularly high once a week is good for me whereas once a month is good for him. In the first year of dating we had sex often & it was great on both parts. He had a bout of not being able to hold an erection and to be honest I felt quite offended and like it was a me issue, I was upset with him etc. He says it’s not unusual for him to have periods where his sex drive is up and down and occasions where he is into it and feels aroused but will then go soft. He gets embarrassed about it and it can make him nervous for the next time incase it happens again.
I felt a little put of at times because it was killing the mood for me but would still give it a go every month or so and 80% of the time it would be fine and we both had a good time. Fast forward a few years he went through something that caused a lot of depression and ptsd, he gained a lot of weight , had 0 self esteem and had absolutely no interest in sex at all for a little while. Just assumed he was going through a lot and gave him space and time. We made it out the other end and started to have sex again. I got pregnant then gained about 5 stone and in return I felt gross about myself and self conscious and in all honesty I think he also struggled with my new body and didn’t find me as attractive. Our child is 1 now and I’ve lost all of the weight and a bit more than before I became pregnant.
my sex drive has returned & so had my confidence in myself. Myself and DH spoke and said we would schedule once a week to get ourselves back into it. 5 weeks on the run & we both were finding it great until again he’s now struggling to hold an erection again , or sometimes even struggling to get it going in the first place, finding it hard to climax and he says he feels embarrassed and pressured to perform which then makes him even more anxious and makes it worse. He says he rarely masturbates because he struggles alone too, rarely gets a morning glory anymore and if he does on the rare occasion he will masturbate to make sure he doesn’t get testicle pain throughout the day but he finds little enjoyment from it and it takes a lot of work for him to actually climax. I’m at such a loss, I feel like I’ve explored so many avenues. I’ve lost the weight, I look after myself well, I make the effort with new spicy outfits all the time and get myself glammed up, we are affectionate during the day.
I can’t help but feel constantly like it’s a me problem & im unattractive/not good enough. We spoke about how I feel & I’ve told him eventually I will be getting a divorce because I can’t do a sexless marriage. He says he rarely desires sex. I want to feel desired and have my needs met. He says he can try but without the pressure of having to end in penetrative sex & just to pleasure me and see if it ends somewhere for him also. That just makes me feel like he’s doing it for the sake of me instead of us both having intimacy and a good time together. Our marriage is other wise ‘perfect’ I’m trying to support him on the off chance it’s a medical issue and not actually me but how do you shift the feeling that they wouldn’t have these issues if they met up with a shiny new lady. He was broken when I voiced it could lead to divorce for me and it’s that serious to me. He immediately booked with a private clinic to have bloods to test his testosterone and says he will go from there.
has anyone been through this and it’s gotten better?
sorry for the long winded rant! And thanks if you’ve got this far.