Can long distance relationships work?

[happystrawberry123]

Looking for anyone who has had or is in a long-distance relationship where it HAS worked.

I have met a man from NZ, he’s amazing, we get on so well and have done lots of lovely things together. He travels wherever his job takes him.

He’s waiting to hear about his next job so will fly back to NZ at the weekend, as planned, until his next job is confirmed.

I knew he’d be going back so it’s no surprise. We both want to make it work somehow and he has said that we just need to carry on communicating like we have been and hopefully work-wise it will work in our favour.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and did it work?

NZ?? Now that is long distance!!

It won't work. It to far away.

How long ago did you meet him?

Depending on how much "He travels wherever his job takes him", he might not even be able to make a relationship work with someone in NZ!

I think it works fine as long as you're both realistic that you're going to shag other people between your infrequent meets, and agree whether you're going for full disclosure or don't ask don't tell.

OP? Did you only want positive stories?

This doesn’t sound as though it has any meat on the bones to possibly sustain long distance. Sounds like you barely know him, but got on well.

The only way I can see your situation becoming a relationship is if you both start working now towards making it not long distance.
Otherwise, it's just occasional fun.

Will you be able to spend a few weeks in NZ with him and vice versa every couple of months? Can you travel to meet him when he's 'working wherever his job takes him'? Ultimately, would one of you be able to move so that you can be together full-time - if he's working 'wherever his job takes him' can he be based in your area?

I know several east coast American women who married British men. In all those relationships, they met as frequently as possible in the early days and fairly quickly figured out a way to spend extended stretches of time together (e.g. summer holidays for a teacher; long term contract work for a computer whiz) to build a relationship and determine compatibility.

Long distance can work - I had a long distance relationship of 6 years. But I had been with my now husband for 7 years prior to him having to move away so I had a oretty good foundation to build on. We saw each other about 5 times a year but spoke every day. Not sure your situation would work.

I've got a three friends who had long distance relationships like yours op. One was UK/USA, one Aus/UK, and one Aus/USA.

All went on to marry and have been together a few years now. One of the couple spent a few years in one country before moving to the other country, but in the other two relationships one moved to others home country permanently.

I know they all found it difficult initially, but would take it in turns during their holidays to visit each other.

Both my sister and I married our long distance relationships (she even married a New Zealander!) but there needs to be a goal in site and compromise I think.

My sister ended up moving to New Zealand to be with her husband and still lives there (he had more earning opportunities so didn't want to move permanently to the UK but she was happy to leave the UK so it worked out lol).

With my relationship I did have to put an ultimatum in place. Either work out a way to bridge the geographical gap in the next year or break up. To be fair he wasn't as far away as NZ but it was still significant. In the end we worked it out and spent time seeing each other as much as possible (we took it in turns to visit each others place etc). In the end he moved here.

That is very long distance and there’s time difference to complicate things.

I came here to say yes I married my long distance lover, but we were 100 miles apart as opposed to thousands

@PaperMachePanda
@2BarbieOrNot2Barbie
it’s so nice to hear some positive stories!

I think it’s very difficult to make long distance relationships work and it really depends on both your situations and how much time and effort you have available and are willing / able to put in. You don’t mention your ages or what personal commitments you both have or how willing you both are to make compromises or sacrifices. These things can make or break the relationship.

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past 6 months and whilst we’re both happy at present, it’s far from straightforward as life does get in the way. He has a high pressure client-facing job and often has to travel at short notice which makes it hard to plan ahead. I’m currently jobhunting (I was made redundant a few months ago) so that gives me much more flexibility to fit around him but at the same time, I have no idea what impact a future job could have on our relationship. There’s a lot of uncertainty and at times that can make things very hard. I can’t work in the country he lives in nor his home country due to visa issues/Brexit and he faces the same issue with the UK (and wouldn’t want to move here anyway). The long term answer would obviously be to marry but the challenge is how to get from ‘dating seriously’ to ‘marriage’ when we live so far apart.

I think they can work if there is a good basis for a relationship and it's for a finite amount of time. I know people who weathered the distance for a few years out of necessity and decades later are still together.

BUT, all these people were together before there was any long distance.

My partner is in Chicago but he can stay here for a couple of months at a time and I can go there. It's just a 7-8 flight.. NZ is a different kettle of fish isn't it.

It doesn’t sound like you have a relationship to start with?