How do we bring back the intimacy?

[QuirkyBeaker]

My husband and I have been together for many years, we are in our mid 40s and normal life has got in the way of our sex life. We have always had a standard sex life, lots of people would call it pretty boring, we have never used toys etc.

In the last few years we have gone months without sex, mostly my fault. I would like to improve things but don’t really know how.

How do I get better at sex, I’m probably a bit of a prude. He normally does more for me I think probably to try and get me to enjoy it again.

I am self conscious of weight that I have put on recently so it normally doesn’t happen unless I have had a night out.

we have never spoken about our sex life and I think I would be too embarrassed to. However, I know we need to improve things and I want to. I just don’t know where to begin.

I know this is a bit of an obvious answer but you really need to talk to him. He may not want to use toys, or do anything more than you’re doing now. Just because other people do things that they consider to be “good sex” doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. Only the pair of you matter and what’s right for you might be different than most people and that’s okay.

What do you want?

Do you want to spice things up for your own part? Or just to get back into what you were doing before?

Do you still fancy him? Sometimes concerns about one’s own attractiveness can be projections.

Just break the norm, you don’t have to use toys, just make things less routine, go down on him randomly when he’s not expecting it or start playing with yourself on the sofa and see how he responds, then just try loads of different positions, basically just play and have fun.