Can you continue to live together as co-parents after divorce?

[CFornot123]

Long story short, found out husband had been having an emotional affair back in July. We’ve been working through our issues that led to him having the EA, both been having therapy, working on ourselves etc. However, I’m finding it too difficult to move on and I just don’t have the same feelings for him anymore. I love him as a coparent, as a friend and I forgive him for what happened, but I don’t think the romantic relationship is there. We have two children aged 3 and 5 and I feel responsible to model to them what a healthy relationship is. I’m 30 and still feel like I’ve got my whole life ahead of me so I shouldn’t spend it second guessing what it.

We moved into an our dream house in May before I found out about the EA and we’ve been doing renovations. If we did divorce I feel sad about losing the life in the house I thought we’d have but staying there on my own with my kids doesn’t feel plausible either. How do I navigate this? I don’t want to tell him to move out because it is both of our dream house but is it possible to live together in the same house (different bedrooms) and coparent? I have no plans to meet anyone and frankly I’m done with men and relationships! I guess at some point one of us will have to leave and I really want my own safe space where I can have my brightly colored kitchen and pink bedroom. But it’s way too soon to sell the house and we’ll have lost a lot of money on it if we do.

Yes it is possible but it always relies on both adults being mature to a level that not most people are. How have tense situations been handled previously? Is there any history of abusive communication in the past? As I type this I’m thinking his EA is pretty much a sign in immaturity.

You are rushing. Slow down. Moving into dream house , discovering this in july..its only 2 months later.
Have you thought about living separately for a while - him moving out whilst you do therapy separately and together and try to make sense of it all. Theres a lot of work ahead and you need to first grieve what you imagiend youd have, before deciding what next.
Slow down. Get some space. 3 amd 5 year old means its all been pretty inte se for a few years. Whatvee happens next you are still reeling and its ok.
Fwiw i thibk living togwtger as coparents might work if you are good friends, not if you are working through and out tge other side of this. That doesnt happen in a month.

I am doing this, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Our situation is different, my soon to be ex is an alcoholic who is refusing any treatment, hence the divorce.

I would say a nice house is not one of the best reasons to put you, your children, or your ex dh through walking the hardest path.

it will take a while for you to change focus from having the dream house to having complete autonomy over your life. When he brings a new women home might force it? I have a new partner and while I don’t want to bring him into the kids lives, I don’t want to share all the details of my life with my ex.

A nice house isn’t worth the emotional baggage.

You deserve a clean break, you are so young. I lived with my ex a year after we separated. It was amicable but it became a real strain towards the end. He became disrespectful, making messes that I then had to clean, we ate in separate rooms. Lived like housemates who disliked each other. There was no peace, there was always background tension even if we didn’t argue.

Even if you don’t want to date, he might. He might go and seek out his EA partner. You might in future, it’s still so fresh. It’s difficult when you are having to communicate with each other to ‘cover’ when one of you wants to go on a date or stay out. It’s painful even if you don’t want to be together. It means both of you don’t fully get the amount of privacy a single adult should. You’re continually exposed to whatever they’re up to, even if they don’t bring people back to the house.

You may forgive him now, but you may not always feel this generous. Don’t traumatise yourself more by exposing yourself to further potential emotional harm by keeping him in orbit. Even if you don’t date it just keeps you emotionally enmeshed in a way that will ultimately be continually painful.

Especially don’t do it just for a house, it’s not worth it. Move on and build a new life. It’s so scary but you can do it and it’s better to do it now than live a half life in limbo until the inevitable happens and you have to live separately.

A house won’t cradle you when your world is falling apart.

Op kindly, your nice house is just that, its not your forever home,
For now co-parenting can be achieved with strong boundaries put in place, but moving forwards if either one of you meet someone else that's going to change this arrangement,

My point op is , you'll make your forever home anywhere were your happy and content,

You need a plan, 1/ strong boundaries in place and see how this looks in 12 months,