Partner still married and keeping relationship private, should I be concerned?

[Dave9633]

Hi all, I’m after some opinions.
so, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 15 months. Been living together for 4 months. She moved into mine.
when I met her she told me she was divorced. A few months into things and she told me she wasn’t, separated but not fully divorced.
she still isn’t. Apparently it’s complicated.
never met her husband, they don’t have kids. Never been to her house.
husband still lives there.
she speaks to her husband rarely but hardly ever around me. They text when she’s with me and seem to talk when she’s at work.
my mates down the pub are telling me this situation is full of red flags. I’m confused.
feel better about things now she doesn’t live with the husband anymore and lives with me. We can’t go public on Facebook until the divorce is finalised, it seems like I’m a secret.
Has anyone had similar set up or know of someone who has.

"Apparently it's complicated" but you don't know why? Yes, this is a massive problem.

Yes, me.

Been separated over 10 years, formal separation organised fairly quickly, met a new partner soon after leaving the marriage relationship, planned divorce as a "cross that bridge when it happens" thing, as it turns out just never got around to it and honestly see no point because I'm not planning on doing it again.

I would put money on her husband thinking this is just a separation.

She’s camping in your house, just tell her you need a bit more than ‘it’s complicated’ she could just be on a trial separation for example who knows.

Its extremely complicated. Move her out and be single. Far too much drama will unfold. Get out whilst you can!

Why can't you go public on social media? If she's seperated its not a big deal.

I can't see whats complicated if theres no kids? Has the divorce actually been applied for?

She's just hedging her bets, if it doesn't work out with you she'll go back to her husband. Get out now.

I can understand it tbh.

Sometimes when you separate and you are still on decent terms, one party is emotionally over the split far more readily than the other. I did my grieving for that relationship while I was still in it, whereas it took my partner a few years to get to the stage I was at almost as soon as we split. One of the things I felt I had to do was keep my new relationship fairly low-key and not broadcast it on SM because I didn't want my ex to feel like I was rubbing their nose in it and making some sort of a point. I didn't "owe" them anything, but at the same time I didn't want to actively upset them because I still cared.

My first thoughts too.

What is it, exactly, that is so complicated?

Listen to your mates my friend.

She lied about being divorced.
she is in contact with husband
she keeps you a secret
she is behaving like it's 2010 with Facebook status'

⛳️🚩

If you’re a secret - it’s a problem. Don’t ignore it

It's you being secret that's the problem. Fair enough, divorces can take time and can be complicated. But why do you need to be a secret? It won't make any difference to the divorce settlement if she has a new partner.

Have you met her friends and family? Is it just her ex she doesn't want to tell?

A friend of mine met someone who was separated, not divorced. She told him to get divorced ASAP or she wasn’t interested.
It’s a self respect thing.

You need to get divorced, whether or not you intend to marry again. If you died suddenly, your ex would get everything. Are you happy with that?

Does her husband know that they're separated?

No, they wouldn't.

The formal separation agreement resolves the immediate finances and removes any future claim to the other's estate.

There is literally no reason for me to divorce beyond a wish to be legally free to marry again, and I have absolutely no interest in ever doing that.

Never be anyone's secret relationship.