I’m an emotional woman. I’ve always been sensitive and always had a bigger heart than I care to admit. 3 years ago my ex cheated on me we were together 7 years and he ended it all over a text that said im not feeling great. Then blocked me. I drove to his. He didn’t even speak to me. Long story short. I changed completely. It felt like my world shattered overnight. I grieved and grieved in our home like a broken woman and had to get my parents to pick me up off the floor to eat some nights because I was so broken and damaged. I’m welling up just typing this.
3 years on, things haven’t been easy dating wise. I’ve always met men who look externally and just think yeah sex will do. It hurts me because im worth more than just that.
Now, I’ve met a man at my gym. He’s so handsome. The first time we spoke I remember I walked past him and held eye contact with him for a second too long and he ran straight behind me to ask for my number. But suddenly everything became about sex when we spoke so I pushed him away for 5 months. 2 days ago we were at the gym. Both in the sauna. Had a long 1 hour chat about life in general and work etc. He waited for me after. Walked me to my car and we kissed. We then proceeded to make out like teenagers for an hour. Couldn’t have sex whacshe im on my period. But if I wasn’t it would have happened. I’m glad the barrier was there because if it wasn’t I may have made a fatal mistake.
I force myself not to think about him and block it out. But I can’t get him out my head. Ive started going to the gym in the morning so I don’t see him. I just feel pathetic. Why do I only attract these men. Yes I know I said things but in the moment. We all do. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I kissed him but sometimes I just get swept in a moment
i feel pathetic