Why am i still so highly stresed nearly 12 months after leaving narc ex?

[Merseymum1980]

As of title. Much happier now and will remain single.
Its like my never system hasnt caught up, im suddenly getting hair loss and roscea. I have a ball patch on my crown.
I today thought there was an issue with bank and litterally couldnt breathe. I thought id much calmer by now.
I am in peri and on hrt. Im also self employed which can be stressful.at times.
Im a single mum but my ds is a dream 90 percent of the time.
I do rush around a LOT due to my business and mum things , plus last minute things sometimes school spring on you.
Forgot to say i have really bad mobility issues too with my back and knee and unfortunatley weight (weight my own fault) which sometimes wares me out when doing everything. I do worry about money sometimes but everyone has these issues in some form

Im still binge eating. Thought that would stop after he left
Why am i still in stress mode etc when the narcistic ex has well gone.
Anyone experienced this please?

Bumping this

How long were you together OP,m?
As someone who suffers from stress and who has very real physical symptoms caused by stress what you are experiencing sounds normal to me.
If you try and eat well, rest and exercise, and try and do the things that give you pleasure then you will recover from you breakup. These things do really take time

If it was a very bad relationship you could have PTSD to be honest

5 and a half years.
Ive had a series of emotionally abusive relationships. Prior to perimenopause i was a very male centred, pick me woman with low self esteem and desperate for love.
Since this last horrific relationship, my ds getting older and much more aware of things and peri, i actually couldnt think of ever wanting a relationship.again.
Im going to try finding a little time for me at some point this month too

Didn't want to read and run - when I left my abusive ex I was so busy sorting out housing and the divorce and trying to keep my head above water I didn't have any time to process what had happened to me. When things were calmer I started to have terrible nightmares about being back with him.

This is your body's way of saying that you've been through trauma and you have to process that. I had about a year and a half of therapy, is that an option for you?

Maybe, it wasnt physical abuse but the mental abuse and coersive control im still realising and remembering things to this day

Thankyou. This is really helpful as i too was sorting things with house nove, making sure ds ok, christmas, business changes and getting back on top of finances, things have just calmed down

Sorry yes, ive been thinking about better help, hypnotism or something

Hello Op. Please be kind to yourself. You did a very courageous thing by leaving him. Post traumatic stress (which is what you may be experiencing) takes many forms. You could also be having a delayed response. Are you being supported by your any support groups, GP, mental health services? Please consider reaching out to The Freedom Programme, NHS Talking Therapies and your GP for onward referral to the relevant services. Wishing you all the best. 😊

I don't really have much to add to the comments above, but just to offer my support, OP. You've done amazingly well holding everything together since you got away from your abuser. Be kind to yourself.

Thankyou. I will speak to gp xx

Thankyou

As PP have said, it's likely to be a delayed reaction as you were probably running on adrenaline until now. I experienced something similar after leaving an abusive marriage - about a year out I crashed and had to take time off work and get therapy etc. I found that I had to re evaluate everything and work out who I was, it took a long time to feel safe. It was also quite eye opening in terms of which family and friends were still there for me and who just didn't get it. It's also really hard if you have to continue co-parenting with your abuser (nearly 10 years on for me and I still have to be really careful how I engage with him to protect my own health). Good luck and be kind to yourself x

Luckily dont need to coparent. I think i need to reevaluate some things as i dont get.much rest or personal time. Plus ive changed so much since peri that i need to figure who i am. Thankyou for responding

I am so glad to hear that you don't have to coparent with him, that makes life slightly easier (not belittling your experience at all though!). I hope you manage to get the time and space to heal x