I’d love some advice. I’ve thought about therapy but on the whole I live a very happy and stable life and worry dragging all this up again will not be best. I do however feel I need to vocalise a few things and get some opinions on what i went through..
I am 48 year old mum (happily married) and this has been put to bed for years however now my teenage girls are the same age it’s bright up a lot of feelings.
When I was 16 I met this boy, he was friends with mutual friends they were all in their late teens/ early 20 assumed he was the same.
we started dating and fast forward a few months were going out . My parents were very laid back something that now horrifies me. I will say I was a teenager that lacked boundaries & did whatever I liked basically. As time went on this ‘boy’ turned out to be 27 which mum mum didn’t seem fussed with. He was a drug dealer, no one knew and I think my family liked he was very well dressed, drove a very expensive Porsche and told them all he owned multiple businesses. I still can’t get my head around i was 16/17! What on earth did my mum think he had in common with me ??
another few months on and he treated me really badly, would say he’d pick me up from a night out and leave me standing there on the street in the darkness at 2am. I’d say I’ll get a cab and 10 mins would turn to an hour standing there on my own. I’d find girls things in his car, he’d tell me he was interviewing girls for an escort agency he was opening, drove me around to look at expensive houses and say the escort girls are buying this themselves they make so much money, looking back now I have no doubt this is what he was grooming me into. He’d ‘take’ me shopping at designer shops in London yet he’d only buy himself things, making me feel I couldn’t afford anything. He’d take friends on holiday and not me, he was very loving but also quite matter of fact that we wouldn’t be forever. It would break my heart as I was totally in love. Now looking back I can see what the plan was.
Things came to a head when arguments turned into physical fights, I took an overdose twice and each time was asked by MH services are you ok now? And that’s about as far as my care went. I wasn’t ok, I was eventually put on heavy anti depressants and lost a good 3/4 years of my life and I couldn’t get off them. During this time I’d still call him and he’d meet me for sec it was a mess and ruined my teenage years.
There is so much more to this story. Physical fights, sexual stuff no 17 year old should be doing.
It also turning out he’d given me a fake name, I didn’t know him at all. The mutual fiends actually knew very little about him, I don’t know he was actually a high up criminal or someone who was a fantasist - both equally as terrifying. Before it ended we’d have police following us or was this made up and again made to scare me ??
Only recently I have started to think about this ex. It’s like I need to know where he is now. I’m not interested in him in a romantic way but I still live in the same town and feel I need to know where he is what he’s doing, I hate to bump into him, obviously don’t ever bring up his name so can’t even ask mutual friends. I’ve looked on fb and isn’t and nothing. Prison maybe lol. Or Dubai 🙄
My daughters are around the same age and it’s really triggered a lot of memories which are not so nice.
Any advice.. what would you do