How can I stop recurring nightmares about my traumatic childhood?

[UnresolvedIndreams]

I had a terribly traumatic childhood, I’ve had a lot of therapy and am NC with all of my family. Day to day I feel fine, it’s the past and I’ve built a good life for myself with lovely people and healthy relationships. I feel happy.

Nighttime brings the opposite. Night after night I have either what I’d describe as upsetting dreams or actual nightmares about my childhood, my mother , my siblings. Ranging from situations where they are taking my possessions or my children or at worst really hurting me. Just awful dreams where I wake up upset or crying. Apparently I shout a lot in my sleep when I have these.

Im able to get over it after a cry and then I feel fine again but why is this happening? I thought I’d processed it and moved on and for the most part I have - I rarely think about them but I have these dreams ??!

Do I need therapy specifically to go over these nightmares to pick apart the meaning - it always seems to be them taking things of mine that I don’t want to lose ? Sometimes hurt physically but 90% having them sabotage my life to steal the people and possessions I care about and then I have these panic inducing dreams where I’m frantically fighting or searching for the things they’ve stolen back.

After another one last night and being awake 2-4 am I just want to know how to make it stop.

Have you done EMDR? I would suggest that. Very different to traditional talking therapy and specifically for trauma. Traditional psychotherapy can often drag things up but not allow us to actually process them. I would do that as a first port of call. I’d also consider a course of hypnotherapy with an actual hypnotherapist, not just something on YouTube, to help specifically with sleep.

No I haven’t tried this I’ll maybe look into booking it. I’m so confused as I do feel fine and don’t think about it during the day but it’s clearly still in my mind waiting to emerge at night 😭

I have nightmares when I'm stressed in life - e.g. lots of work on or even just getting organised for a holiday might be enough. The actual nightmare is always similar (some sort of tsunami, I don't know why) but I know it's the stress that's the trigger and that's just it's manifestation. So you might not need to unpick the actual dream.

There are strong links between your subconscious brain activity and everyday situations, so for example if you fear losing your job, you're worried about your finances and the impact of that or you feel like you're not in control of something in life like a relationship it can manifest itself in the ways you're describing, your dreams will paint a picture of loss.

I would think that the first thing to explore would be seeing a specialist about the issues you had during childhood, it might be that you're unable to settle until you are able to somehow find some peace from that era. Obviously what happened back then is likely to have had a severe impact on your memory/thoughts.

One question, do you drink at night or take recreational drugs like cannabis? My only reason for asking is that Alcohol is a depressant and Cannabis is know to induce paranoia and associated short term anxiety.

I have similar and it’s like my mind is trying to process traumatic things from childhood (CSA at a young age I believe and definitely emotional / some physical neglect) and I wake up feeling awful and in pain. I am on the waiting list for EMDR and currently do talking therapy with a trauma informed therapist and take sertraline. I find it is worse in my luteal phase or it I’m under stress. Wishing you all the best x

Besides all the good advice given, also try a simple thing that worked for me. I've always had bad dreams since childhood. When going to bed, I said to myself, "If I start to have a bad dream, I will wake up." It actually worked, as your brain can remember the directions and might comply. You can also say: If my dream becomes stressful, I will steer it to nicer thoughts of swimming at the beach (or whatever pleasant memory you have).

No guarantee that'll work for everyone who tries it. And sometimes it might take saying this nightly before it eventually works. But it can't hurt to give it a try.

You might also try listening to 30 to 45 minute sleepy time stories you can find by Googling on your cell phone. The pleasant, meditative descriptions like a relaxing train ride, a rainy day spent in a bookstore, etc. might be helpful. I do this while wearing an electric warm sleep mask. I also put lavender essential oil on my neck and wrists before sleep. Setting up a new dynamic for sleep might lessen or end the issue. Take care.

Similar situation, a lot of therapy has helped for daytime stuff but not for the nightmares. I went to a sleep centre and they said (decades long) sleeping problems were down to REM sleep and bad dreams. Ive been for EMDR three time and they take a case history and say, so helpfully, "nope, not touching that". (Great)

The only thing that's helped is medication - Trazodon. Either you get on with it, or you don't. It doesn't stop the nightmares but it significantly softens the impact and makes you more able to cope with them. I think there are other medications as well, but trazodon is the one I tried and it helps a lot.

OP, instead of fighting it or trying to make it stop why don't you try and approach it from the point of view that this is your subconscious mind trying to tell you what you need to know about your past.

I've suffered from complex ptsd and using my dreams (or nightmares) as a learning tool has been invaluable.

When you wake up just try and sit with the pain or the fear or the discomfort and quietly listen to what it is trying to tell you.

If you have an inner voice, probably critical, try to listen to what that is saying as well.

I read somewhere in the past that nightmares happen more when you’re laid on your back, so sleeping on your side cuddling a pillow to stop you rolling over in your sleep can help prevent them. Obviously this is just a silly suggestion compared to the actual advice about EMDR etc. but it might be with a try in the mean time! Nightmares are awful I hope they stop for you.

Somatic movement therapy? It’s a little like EMDR, in that it’s about using the body to work through trauma. It’s a series of movements, breathing and exercises that destress the body, release tension from places that you no longer even feel.

Also, manage your present stress levels more proactively. My stress dream is about a situation I was in 35 years ago, but I get it when I’m stressed in the present.

Have at look at Dream Completion Technique & psychologist Dr. Justin Havens. He has some interesting suggestions on reprogramming your dreams that have been used successfully in people from conflict zones etc.

Before reading the responses, I also wondered about EMDR. I had it after dc died suddenly and traumatically. I didn’t think it was working in the moment (and is obviously difficult to relive the moments you are trying to process) but it definitely did.

This is excellent advice. Ignore meaningful dreams at your risk ...

It can be though that however much therapy and de-programming you do, the brain get stuck in certain patterns and nothing can change that after a certain point. Some thought patterns can be rewired extensively, some less extensively. But some, unfortunately, can't. The mind is plastic, but not infinitely so.

I took medication called Prazosin while I was waiting for EMDR. It’s a blood pressure med that’s very safe and prescribed off label for PTSD nightmares. It worked absolute miracles for me. Mostly stopped the nightmares altogether and when they did come all the distressing emotion was taken out of them. It’s very weird how it works.