I recently found my cousins boyfriends previous gay dating site profiles.
Bit if a backstory: my cousin is mid 30s, very well educated, independent (house/car) and has a stable career.
She met this man online in December 2025, and she’s 21/22 weeks pregnant by him. This is her first. There have been a mountain of red flags. He’s born in an African country, I asked how long he’s lived in the UK, she said he never gives a straight answer and she doesn’t question further as not to scare him off. Says he’s 36 but she said his passport says 37? Says he’s a nurse, but we found out he’s a healthcare assistant in a care home, and he cleans a gym. He told her that he was studying towards being a doctor but quit as it’s apparently not all that it’s cracked up to be. Used to drive an A Class but traded it in for an ‘06 Citroen C1. Used to live in a 2-bedroom house alone, but decided to move in with his suicidal male friend as he was worried about him, so he shares a studio flat with a man? He says he has no kids. He apparently saved up £30K and invested this in a property in England with other family members, but out of the blue, they changed the locks and forbade him from having anything to do with it. We asked why doesn’t he pursue the money legally, he apparently doesn’t want the hassle, so is happy to just let it go. She’s also said he’s very evasive when she questions him about this. On valentines evening, he went to her house, was acting erratic and weird and left abruptly. He later told her that he was extremely over tired from working many nursing shifts, so he went home to sleep. Conveniently on Valentine’s Day. On one occasion we were on the phone, she said oh I’ve just gotten a text from him, informing her he’s turning his phone off so he won’t be reachable until the next day. I questioned why? She said he doesn’t like the radiation from the phone???
He has not made any effort to meet any of us/family, he conveniently is not on speaking terms with any of his family who live in England, so there’s no one for her to meet. She’s not FaceTimed with any of his family back in Africa. She’s never been to his house either. We have had family events eg her sisters wedding, birthday celebrations at restaurants and he has not turned up to any of these as he says that he doesn’t eat certain cuisines/dishes. My cousin has a younger brother, mid 20s (my cousin too), he popped round on the off chance with his gf of multiple years to my cousins house, he rang prior to say he’s coming round. She said oh great because her boyfriend is coming here too. Cousin and his girlfriend were there for an hour, then said what time is this man supposed to be arriving? She said oh, he’s upstairs. Been upstairs the whole time?? After about another 10 minutes he comes downstairs and socialises. I find this quite unsettling. On this same day, my boy cousin walked into the garden and looked around, notices that someone had carved my cousins cats name into the fence/garden wall with a sharp object. My cousin asked what happened, she said oh, her boyfriend did that and that he often does weird stuff like that. I find this extremely strange? The cats name is 5 letters so it wasn’t a quick thing to do lol.
When my cousin was around 10 weeks pregnant, she was saying that he had convinced her that they need a bigger car for the baby, as she drives an i10. The baby ain’t due til end of January. She essentially bought him an SUV, which he drives around. She still has her old car. I asked how she’s getting on with the new car, she said she hates driving it and it’s uncomfortable, so it doesn’t seem like it was her first choice of vehicle. He never did stay over at her house and he still doesn’t do this much, if it all, according to her. At the gender baby scan, he was speaking to the female sonographer in his native language, laughing and joking whilst finding out the baby’s gender? She later asked him what they were talking/laughing about, he completely ignored her.
She has outrightly said she plans to buy a house and put his name on the deeds, and she doesn’t expect him to contribute towards a deposit because he was badly burned financially. But he would contribute towards the mortgage. She has said he has no interest in marriage, therefore she is not fussed about marriage. He also says he is 36/37, but I also found out online he’s 40. He has also been in the UK for 2 years.
When I ask how is she getting on with him, she is quite cold and blunt, says they are very happy and excited and loved up. He does a lot for her, meaning just a few household chores. He has also already racked up numerous parking / bus lane fines for the new car, that she has paid. She has also said that he will contribute “here and there” towards the house/baby, because of his recent financial woes, with her bearing the financial responsibilities. And that he plans to move in with her closer to the time the baby is due. She’s renting at the moment.
I love her so much, her mum passed away a few years ago. She can be quite prideful and egoic so loves when things look perfect. But it’s quite frankly a mess. BTW, I simply googled his full name with the city they live in, and two different profiles came up. When I clicked on them, it says his profiles have been banned by administrators, not that he deleted them, but he was banned!
I want to tell her that he was on gay dating sites, even though it was probably before they met but definitely within the last 2 years, but I’m unsure if it’s the best thing to do? It’s not really the dating profiles but that he was actively looking for men so he is gay/DL! Other family members say that she will resent me for it, and that she won’t leave, but I’m just thinking about her and the baby’s health. But I also know it would mean it would collapse the fairytale she’s trying to portray, which means more work for her. I know that she will most likely stay, because she still stayed despite the previous red flags. But I will feel sad about the level of embarrassment she’d have, so she will resent me for not allowing her to portray a fairytale.