I have a very difficult nearly 15 old DD.
She can be a lovely, helpful, fun to be child one day, and after that a horrible child throwing insults at me for days, or giving ma silent treatment, again for days. There are no bug triggers, mainly her phone.
Her insults are particulalry unpleasent, she likes to bring up things that are private for me. For eg she once said Look at you, you are not even talking to your own mother! ( I have no contact with my mother), or today, once she came home I had to take her phone off ( she has not done any of her chorse for a week, and that was the deal), so she looked at me and said How pathetic you are, sitting at home, no social life etc. It is true I dont go out much, we moved to this town few years ago and most of my friends are in London, I work form home, but I didnt notice this to be a problem. She is creative with things to say.. She said similar things 2 days ago, so I have asked her: whre do you think my pay comes form, if I was sitting doing nothing? she said: who cares .
At school she is fine, has 2 friends, no complains from the teachers.
I often can ignore and be a grey rock, but today it hit me hard. Not only I had a flu but had to work for days with no day off. So I did shout at the end, to which she smirked and laughed, and talked me over more insults.
I feel horrible, and this is ongoing for months now. I think she may have to be assessed for ADHD but even if she had it, I would not tolerate insults like this. She will probably not go for any assessment as she has refused her dental check up too.
The phone is defo a trigger..but nothing else works as a consequesnce of her not helping at all at home, and leaving her mess all around the house.
I have a 17 year o,d too, who has never behaved like that.. Same upbringing, smae rules.
Has anyone had a similar teen, and what did help?