Do you think a long term relationship can survive when there’s love but no trust?

[SomethingImaginative]

That’s basically the whole question. We’ve been together about 15 years and have children together but they just constantly lie. Sometimes little things just to be right in an argument or something but the main thing is money.
No worries about cheating or anything like that but financial lies. He comes out with stories of how he’s not been paid because the one above them hasn’t been paid so they can’t pay him until they’re paid or he’ll say I’m getting paid from this job on x date and then that date comes and goes and there’s no money and then they’ll be a story about how this happened so now it’s y date.
Maybe that could happen but it’s the same story multiple times across multiple jobs. Once could be bad luck but multiple times you must be the unluckiest guy alive.
He is self employed in a trade so they’re all individual jobs rather than working paye at a company if it sounds a bit of a weird set up. It’s got to the point now when I just don’t believe a word he says.
We get along fine in other aspects we have fun together make each other laugh and are affectionate but then another story will come up and I just think I don’t believe you. Because we get along in all other aspects though and seem happy day to day how can I tear apart our family? I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Sorry if it’s all just a bit of a ramble I’m not the best at putting things into words but I know I’m not happy in this moment but then he’ll come home and he’s offering to make dinner and we’re having a joke as a family with the kids and laughing and i think maybe I should just let it go

I own my house outright I bought it with an inheritance from a grandparent as we’d struggled with rent and I wanted that security. I think that’s the only reason we’ve survived as we don’t have that massive rent or mortgage payment. We have outgrown this house really but how could I ever rely on him to pay a mortgage so I am so thankful for this house. The debt is just mine I’ve bought the odd thing myself on the credit card like furniture but 90% of it is household things. Old rent, food shops, christmases and birthdays that he says he’ll give me half for before it’s due but almost never happens and I don’t have enough income to pay it off so it rolls over. I have a bad habit of burying my head in the sand so the introductory offers that made it seem manageable would run out and then I’d basically only be paying interest so it never got better. I’ve since consolidated some and now move others to interest free cards so it is now coming down slowly and we had a while where he had a paye job so was consistently paying towards things as I suppose he couldn’t get away with saying he had nothing so I could put more towards paying them down but the last 3 or 4 months has just been survival 😞

For me the question isn’t can you survive without trust but rather do you want to? Do you want to spend your life having to second guess and worry whether the person you should be able to rely on is telling the truth or not? Personally I wouldn’t want to, life doesn’t have to be that hard.

Ok. I would find out what the situation would be financially if you were to ask him to leave, entitledto is a good place to start. No harm in doing a sense check re your debt regularly to make sure you're managing it in the best way possible. Get help with it, nobody is good at everything, you're putting your hands up and saying that your not the most organised person, and that's fine. Find someone that is to help you.

Honestly, I think you'd find that your life would be transformed without him in your house, and the chaos you believe is all your doing would subside dramatically.

Oh he’s really screwed you over. I revise my former comment to no, even if he manages to be upfront you need to disentangle yourself from him to keep your sense of self. At least disentangle your finances. Whether it’s gambling, drugs or prostitution, he is putting something above your basic needs and sanity, and that’s not ok.

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-need-ongoing-support/

I would call and speak to someone here. You are in this mess partly because of him and his behaviour, so don't feel you wouldn't do better alone. The stress and emotional rollercoaster you are on can lead to splurge spending to make you feel better. These people will have heard it all before and help you out.

He is financially abusing you. He is living off you like a parasite, just so that he can keep up his image to everyone else. He is the sole reason you are drowning in debt and heading for disaster. You have got to stop this before you lose the house.
This is not just about the lies.

You have to get him to move out. Tell him it is over.
He won't change.

Then you can claim Universal Credit as a single parent to top up your earnings, and start to get your life back on track.