Dirty Dog partner contacted a sex worker, should I confront him now?

[Lifeislikeaboxofchocolate]

Long story short. I’ve found that my man ‘tried’ to hook up with a sex worker. What do I do??

I found from looking on his phone. We have been together nearly 15 yrs with 2 children and a mortgage. He also tried to do this at the very beginning of our relationship but it didn’t happen. Why didn’t I end it then? (One enquiry message. Relationship serious but not solid. No conversation just one message. No children. No house etc) God knows what happened in between that I haven’t known about…..
He is at home all the time so the normal style of affair etc was never a concern….

I don’t know whether to get things in place before I confront him.?? Or just do it now.

It’s purely disgusting what he’s done but I don’t really care. As in I’m not having sex with him ever again so his sexual behaviour is no longer my concern. I’m detaching myself. My concern is the house and the children.

Has anyone in the situation effectively cohabited and coparented-Only. No sexual relationship. Is that completely stupid and/or unrealistic?? Even as a temporary situation. I have no other issues with him. He does everything he’s supposed to.

Personally, I would gather as much financial information as you can, and make an appointment to see a solicitor. It's far better to confront your husband, once you've had legal advice and decided what YOU want for your and your children's future.

At this point he isn't aware that you know, he's been contacting prostitutes. I think it's probably safer to assume that he's been speaking with and meeting up with prostitutes throughout your relationship.

Firstly, make an appointment with your GP, practice nurse or sexual health clinic, because you need to make sure he's not passed a STI onto you.

Once you have 'all your ducks in a row', then confront him. I know it will be difficult but plaster on a smile, grit your teeth and bide your time, until you've got legal advice.

There's not much point in a confrontation is there? He views women as objects he can pay to use, he's not going to value your confrontation or become a good person.

Are you on the deeds of the house? Financially independent?

Partner or husband?
If partner, things are somewhat easier. Still see a solicitor re your rights in regards to what to do about the house - who stays, who moves, how to document all of this so that you, your children and your soon-to-be ex partner are protected. Then, armed with that information, proceed to ending the relationship.
No, it's not possible to co-habitate with a person who exploits sex workers. I probably wouldn't want my children exposed to this either. You can co-parent in separate households. You kids don't need to grow up believing that living as housemates is an appropriate relationship model.

If I'm reading right you're not married (not a criticism just observation) no point confronting but no I don't know of anyone who has successfully cohabited/ co parented. Life is too short for that nonsense- time to get your ducks in a row and sort out what to do with the house etc x

Thank you. Yes I’ve have booked an appointment. He better pray my test is negative or I will skin him alive.
Our finances are separate. He pays the mortgage but it comes out of my account and I pay the bills. Personal money is separate. I have a reasonably good job. However wouldn’t afford our house and mortgage. Share a car and he does school runs. I’d need to buy him out the mortgage (possible in the future but not now) but the biggest issue first is getting a car. If I had a car then I could manage my work and the children if he was initially not there/helping. Once I confront him he’ll likely turn nasty. Try to prove to me I need him. Prat!

No we are not married. Though he did ask me if I’d consider marry him this year! Absolute joker

When you say he pays the mortgage but it comes out of your account, do you mean that you are both listed as joint owners and both on the mortgage? If it's him on the deeds the you need to get legal advice. You do anyway, but you want to make sure that your contributions to the house are properly recognised so that you can take your "share" (eitherhe buys you out or you buy him put).
Apart from legal advice I would also double check your credit score. I am not a huge fan of getting into debt, but in this situation where you need your own car I think it would be a reasonable step to borrow for a cheap car (on a don't take out a loan on a super fancy SUV just because you can) if you can't afford to buy outright. But if you do, shop around carefully.

Also, completely agree with your decision. It's gross. Way more upsetting than just an affair (which would also be a betrayal).

Joint mortgage. Both on deed. He just pays the full mortgage because he earns more. I just have the DD set up on my account.
Legal advice so far has been non helpful. I think basically we both have the right to live there. Or we sell. Anything ask is a non legal request. I.E he move out.
Car loan is a difficult one as I don’t want any more debts because I will need to try and buy him out if I want to stay in this house. Mega cost! Car loan won’t help my financial status. Or will delay it but maybes I just need to crack on and start paying it off

I actually don’t think an affair isn’t ‘better’. Both are awful. However an affair is whining and dining another women, trying to start a new life and have a new family possibly getting someone pregnant etc. More a comparative element to it I guess I can’t compare to a sex worker so this is clearly a him problem. Nothing I can do to influence or change that.