Would your husband care if you left him?

[Nicole999]

Hi everyone, random question but would your husband care if you decided to leave him or would he accept it easily and be fine? Is it normal to expect someone to be be upset over the end of a relationship and show it instead of being totally fine with it and moving on like you meant nothing to them? Thanks

If you’ve left, why do you care? Surely it’s good if they are fine. Do you want them to be hurt? Move on with your life and let them do the same.
I’m never leaving, so I don’t need to worry about any of this.

If they didn’t care I’d presume they were probably equally ready for it to end.

I decided to leave as I didn’t feel loved. I was hoping I was wrong and he would fight to make it work and show me that he did love me but it hurt a lot to realise I meant nothing to him at all. I’m having trouble forgetting him that easily but I had to leave for my self respect.

It sounds like he’s just validated your decision for you. It would hurt anyone to have that validate but at least you know you didn’t make a mistake. You will find someone who makes you feel loved and cared for.

Agree with @BibbityBoppityTwo - onwards & upwards with someone you deserve.

You left - what he does, doesn't do, thinks or doesn't think, is absolutely none of your business.

You played a silly game - leaving to hope he proved you wrong - and lost.

It's not losing to be out of a relationship with someone who doesn't love you.

Everyone is different, some will genuinely not care, which probably tells you all you need to know, some will be distraught which either means they really don’t want to lose you or the familiarity of the relationship, others will put on a brave face to make it look like they don’t care and will do their mourning in private to save face.

Either he agrees that the relationship has come to its natural end or perhaps he's too proud to show his feelings?

A good lesson learnt. Do things because they are the right things for you to do and not to test how other people might react.
You should have told him how you felt. If nothing changed then leave. Testing your partner to see if they act how you want them to, rarely ends well.

Sounds like a win-win situation.

Agree with this.
Also, if you thought the relationship was coming to its natural end, maybe so did he.
You can't be upset because he's not upset if you initiated it.

Mine would be thrilled. Would save having to make the choice that he wants but is too spineless to actually carry out.

Mine would be devastated.

Only because he'd have to cook for himself.

Mine would be the same

He actually would, but I think mainly because he wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage without me.

I left my first husband for various reasons, genuinely thought he would be desparately upset and he was initially till 6 weeks later when he was quite jolly , but busy trying to shoo me out the house after I had popped round to pick some things up , as he had a fridge full of babycham and an evening ‘date’ - taught me an awful lot about not presuming how the ‘left’ partner will feel or react - indeed I came to the conclusion that some people are quite shallow and you are either with them or you aren’t and if you aren’t it’s ‘next’ !

Be glad OP - the feeling of really hurting someone by leaving is absolutely awful.

He’d be absolutely devastated, shocked and dismayed. As I would be if he left me. But if he did leave me the last thing I’d do is beg to have him back. I don’t respond well to game playing or ultimatums so if he decided to leave me I’d be heartbroken but I’d accept it and I wouldn’t embarrass myself pleading or negotiating.

Did you want out, properly and permanently or were you testing him? Had you told him how you felt beforehand?

You know him better than we do and how he ticks.

@Crikeyalmighty It could be shallowness or self-respect, I'm imagine it differs from person to person.

I'm like @AnneLovesGilbert in that I wouldn't beg my DH to stay if he said that he was leaving. I'd tell him that I'd like to try and make our relationship work, that I was willing to listen, have counselling, etc., and ask him whether he would too. But if he was determined to leave, I'd let him go.

You may well be right - must admit whilst I wasn’t expecting pleading etc I was a bit shocked at how quickly I didn’t matter.

Id much prefer them to be ok tbh. I’ll admit it was a surprise when my husband of four years had another partner within 6 weeks of me buggering off, but then one of the things that was so difficult in our relationship was that he hated being alone - I felt like a support pillow at times. So it made sense. Certainly helped with the guilt.

You definitely had to leave; well done OP for realising that and going ahead.
If he doesn't miss you, it was hardly a relationship at all, or else he has some serious problem. Either way you've done the right thing.

I am sorry OP feeling unloved in a relationship is awful. But honestly you have two choices at that point: 1) carry on and ignore it (shit) or 2) end it (sensible but hard).

I’ve been relationships where the bloke was

• devastated
• dying to get rid of me but didn’t have the guts
• meh - needed me for someone to have beer with and pay the rent, but if I went wouldn’t mind going for someone else

The end of any relationship is usually messy and a bit shit. I hope it works out for you either way.

Or she made a very brave decision based on not feeling fulfilled in a relationship and was proven right!