Was wanting to watch TV together a way to manipulate me into doing housework while H sleeps?

[Waheymum]

DH is awaiting test results for an autoimmune condition that he may or may not have which causes fatigue.

Today, I got the kids home from their toddler group asleep and had a cup of tea. Toddler wakes and needs changing. Baby wakes and needs changing and I'm breastfeeding a lot, also making toddler's dinner. I get toddler fed. Toddler wants to go on their bike. I say we need to wait for daddy to come home (I can't carry a baby and hold a bike steady/help toddler and ensure both children's safety). We phone daddy and tell him the plan. Daddy comes home and takes toddler on bike. He then comes in and asks what I was doing while the kids were asleep and why I wasn't tidying up so we could chill out and watch TV after toddler is asleep.

I get a chance to tidy whilst DH is reading to toddler before toddler sleeps. Baby wakes up in time for me to have (very late) dinner. DH has fallen asleep in toddler's room.

I'm now feeling that the idea of us chilling out and watching TV this evening was only created to manipulate me.

I think you both sound very tired. He might have had good intentions but then just couldn’t manage it.

Why did you rush to think you were being manipulated? Is there a back story?

Does he often ask you “what have you been doing?” when he gets in from somewhere? That would piss me off so much. You need to tell him to stop doing that - it sounds very rude to me. Especially with his health conditions.

You both seem to have got in the habit of assuming the worst of each other. It's a hard one to break but if you can recognise it, name it and start to challenge it then you can recover but only if he meets you. He made a comment about your contribution first so no wonder you felt defensive and now are retaliating but you both need to break this cycle or it'll eat your love. Talk to him, consider marriage counselling but he needs to change his approach too. Good luck. It's exhausting with a little one for both of you and your relationship.

I don't think we can tell from this one scenario. He didn't do very much when he got home is he normally like that?

Fatigue from medical issues is really rough. You seem to hate him or not understand how bad fatigue can be it isn't just being a bit tired