How can we handle feeling very differently about our rented home?

[AuntyBetty61]

I posted up a few months ago about not liking the new house we've moved into and it's just got worse.

The house wasn't great from day one, lots of problems the Landlord had to fix which should have been done before we moved in, the space doesn't really work well and there's been a lot of frustrations. If it was down to me I'd have given the keys back on day one but my DP loves the place, tells everyone how wonderful it is and has made it clear he's not moving anytime soon.

I've had to deal with all the problems that come up, there were a few little chinks of light but these have now also been pulled by the landlord and I could cry. I don't feel like this is my home, it's just a house I live in. My heart sinks when I leave work and I have to drive back there. My DP however, has gone from wanting to go out lots to wanting to spend all his time in his wonderful house. If I try to talk to him about how I feel, he just tells me how upset he gets hearing I don't like it as he's never felt happier. I don't think he's upset that I'm upset though! He loves the space and that he can tell people he lives in quite a prestigious post code.

I don't feel settled there and don't do any of the things I used to love in our previous house, I don't cook or go to bed early and read. I am finding every excuse to go out or work late so I spend the least amout of time there.

I know the simple answer is to move, we rent so it would be easier than for most people but how do I deal with this when he's dug his heals in and won't. I can't work out how to be more clear that I'm unhappy there and this isn't just an over reaction to the things that have gone wrong.

What does he love about it and what do you hate about it?

I wouldn't stay somewhere rented that I hated, I would simply pack my bags and go, after having looked around for somewhere else, obviously.

@Duckiewasthefirstniceguy He loves the location, the character of the house and the space. I think he loves most the reaction from others the propety gets.

I hate the noise from the traffic, the fact the space doesn't work now we have all our stuff in it, there's rodents and bugs and something always going wrong which means I need to constantly be contacting the Landlord to come out. The house wasn't kept in good repair by the previous tennent and the Landlord did the minimum before we moved in.

Some of it I take the blame for, had I have looked closer on the viewing, I would have never agreed to the move.

There were some features in the property that swung it for me, they went wrong but the Landlord won't fix them. I've checked and he's not obligated to. It's made me really sad as this was supposed to be a happy home but we've never argued and disagreed so much as we do now.

I understand what you are staying but when there is two of you and money is short, it's not quite that easy. Especially if one of you doesn't want to leave.

I remember your last post. Maybe you could try to have an agreement along the lines of "I'll stick it out for x months since you like it here, but will you agree that after that time, if I still feel the same, we can move elsewhere?"

I am trying to be positive but everytime things seem to have settled down, something else goes wrong. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed about something so much in my life. I'm also disappointed in DP and how dismissive he is towards my feelings with all of this.

I think you are right, we need to find some compromise or I think we'll be moving to seperate houses!

Well, it’s same thing for i used to deal with when I moved in a new flat. Apparently you’re still adapting yourself to get used to a new environment but missing and used to previous living areas. I would definitely friendly recommend you try to find an advantage of this new place from tomorrow morning. You would find some difference

I totally understand but I've moved a few times and never had a reaction to a place like this one. It does have it good points but for me the bad ones out weigh them. I do everything at home so I think I see the bad points more than he does. He has agreed to look at other places but I think he'll find something wrong with anything I find. He's so blinkered with this place and its really unlike him to not look at something and be reasonable. I'm starting to think it is all just in my head and I need to lower my standards a bit!

Could you afford to rent on your own/could he? What makes me say that is you feeling that he is not upset that you are unhappy.

Maybe get dp to deal with the landlord?he can be home for repairs getting done
Many years ago we moved to a new build. I hated it. Dp loved it.

When I threw him out I surrendered the tenancy , moving was such a relief.

He couldn't affordto stay in that house on his own but we could both afford to move to smaller flats/houses. He can only see how the place makes him feel and justifies this by saying I over react and haven't given it enough time. But how long is enough time?! The fact I soley deal with every issue arising doesn't help as I have the mental load of it all going wrong but he just sees and issue and then its magically fixed.

I think this is a good idea, I'll just leave it all to him. I feel like one way to deal with it is to watch it all fall apart and then smugly say I told you so!

I don't want to split with him but not sure I want to live with someone that dismisses my feelings and always just thinks of their own.

What were the features that you liked that you haven’t actually got ? In honesty if you are that unhappy and your partner is that dismissive perhaps this isn’t the relationship for you .

None of the features impact the function of the house but for me were part of the charm of the property when we viewed it and why it trumped over others.

The property wasn’t well maintained by the previous tenants and the landlords done the bare minimum before we moved in but it’s only coming to light now. Just waiting for the next thing to go wrong, it’s so unsettling.

You have rodents and your partner is being dismissive about everything?

The rodents would be the last straw for me. I’d have to get out.