Am I wrong to start divorce proceedings at this very difficult time?

[Shhhhitsmagic]

After years of resentment and dealing with a self-entitled, defensive, sometimes angry/emotionally abusive husband I've reached the end of my tether and I'm ready to press submit on the divorce application. This couldn't have come at a worse time as our child starts treatment for a serious medical condition. I don't want to say too much on here, but it's very serious. He has decided that a work event and night in a hotel is more important than coming to hospital when she has an operation and 1st treatment. So I'm left with the emotional load and trying to juggle childcare for our other child while he's out having fun. I'm absolutely livid.

He's a high earner and I've just signed up to universal credit as I will need to look after our sick child while I try to hold down my part time job. I'll be walking away from a lovely house and putting my kids through upheaval at the worst possible time.

I have my 1st solicitor appointment booked in but funds are obviously limited and he's going to put up a fight for 50/50 (even though he works away a lot and has never got them ready for school) and the financial side of things.

Has anyone been through anything similar? Am I mad for doing this right now? I don't even know if I can buy another house as I'm now stuck working p/t and on UC whilst we go through treatment.

I filed for divorce two weeks after a double mastectomy for breast cancer - even the lawyer looked a bit pale when I turned up. Sometimes you simply hit your limit, good timing or not.

Wow that must have been tough. Completely agree, and I think people show you who they really are during the hard times.

I think you're doing the right thing. He's shown you where his priorities lie and there's no coming back from that. I hope your little one's operation and recovery goes smoothly and that you have some support from family and friends at what must be the most stressful and worrying time. Sending hugs to you 🫂

Im sorry to hear this. Im experiencing something similar. Ive always carried the emotional load and i think as im getting older I'm less of an intrest to him its always the nice ones too 😥

You sounds like you’re at the start of a long road with your DC’s illness. If your husband is showing such little concern at this stage it’s not likely to improve, is it? It will be awful going through that alone. The timing might be bad but hard times are often what throws things into stark relief. You sound quite resolved to me and I think once you reach that place it’s better to press forward.

Thanks for the replies. I was feeling selfish for pressing ahead and not keeping things stable for the children, but I do feel like there's no other option now that I know how he really feels about us all.

Why are you leaving him the house ? You could move into a spare room with a lock on the door and keep the kids in their own bedrooms. You should get 50% (or more) of the house in the split, so you don’t have to walk away from it.

I can't afford to keep the house on myself. We both have our own bedrooms and space downstairs to be separate in the evenings. I'm just finding it hard being around his moods and also cleaning up after him. He doesn't help out in the house at all.
If I ask him to help I either get a speech about how he's way too busy with work to cook/clean or he gets defensive and angry.

So my options are stay put, keep my mouth shut and keep doing everything, or leave.

I hope you are not cooking and cleaning for HIM as he sounds vile.