What does a normal long term relationship look like after 14 years?

[Sarah1106]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone can give me any thoughts and opinions please. I have been with my partner, not married, for 14 years. We live together and we are middle aged, have my teenage son living with us. I don’t have many friends if any so it’s hard for me to know what a relationship should be like. I know it sounds weird but as I have no one to chat to it’s hard knowing if things are as they should be because I’m starting to wonder. So if anyone can give their thoughts on what a relationship of 14 years should look like and what’s normal etc then please let me know.

I don’t think there’s necessarily such thing as a “normal” relationship. But I would say one where both people are happy, want the relationship, are respectful to each other, split finances and chores and childcare fairly, get along well, laugh together, are intimate sometimes.

Every relationship has its bumps but a think a relationship ought to have the above hallmarks even after 14 years and anything less is non negotiable

Do you still fancy each other and respect each other? Do you have fun together - not necessarily going on adventures but getting along like best friends day to day? I think those are important. I’ve been with my partner 15 years and those things are true. Having a teen in the house can hinder the sex life a bit - my youngest has just left for uni so we’re excited to amp it up a bit!

What exactly do you want to know? After 20+ years, I could kill him on an almost daily basis. There are times when I could lamp him around the head for breathing near me.
He is also my best friend, the only person I actually fancy, the only person I can spend prolonged amounts of time with. We have so much fun together, even when we aren’t doing much.
He looks after me (even though I don’t need looking after) he puts me first, he is kind in ways I don’t even think I need. And he’s good in the sack, still 🥰

20 years-ish here.
I think the simple thing is that your life should be better with them in it. Obviously, different people will have different preferences about how often you go out, how often you have sex, how you split responsibilities, etc. There isn’t one “right” way to do a relationship. But whatever your particular arrangement is, it should feel fair and make both of you happier overall.

20 years for us, I still fancy him, I prefer his company over everybody else’s, we respect one another and neither of us have ever said anything purposefully hurtful, sex is great (though less than it used to be because we have young DC), our household runs more or less smoothly. But that’s our normal, it’s not necessarily your normal. Is your life better with him in it? That’s all that really counts

Also 20+ years but.

There’s no one else I’m happier to spend time with. Much prefer when he’s home than when he’s not. (We aren’t necessarily in the same room all the time - he’s currently in the home office but he’s home if I need him.)

I can fully relax/do what I want in his company. Even my mum I have to be a bit ‘on’. Really it’s only DH and (within reason) DC I can fully be relaxed.

Still have a great (if a bit less frequent) sex life, love and fancy each other as much as ever.

Just basically he’s my best friend and makes life so much easier and happier.

Doesn’t mean he’s not annoying - or that I don’t annoy him. Or that we never disagree.