Separated husband sent a friend to collect our son at Costa

[Ejs890011]

so My husband and I have been separated for a 10 days he hasn’t seen his son in that time.
today he saw his son for the first time after 10 days we met at Costa and he couldn’t be bothered to get out the car and get him he sent his friend over to collect him.
I mean I think that is so pathetic. He is going around telling everyone I cheated on him but it’s the other way around.
i don’t really know how to take this. I saw him going for a walk with his friend and our son and he didn’t grab our son to give him a hug
also he turned up at the wrong Costa coffee.
to me he is just being pathetic
he was a emotionally abusive person but telling everyone I was.
what to think of all this?

He is clearly avoiding things, and what he says to everyone is to safe his own face, people will have figured him out a long while ago, so just let him orchestrate a tale that fits his narrative.

I would not rise to this tactic of his today seeing its such a short while ago since you two separated. But you have every right to expect him to be a father, turn up, hug and be present for your dc.

If you left him finding out he cheated, he will be sending a clear message to you that you hurt him, these types are always the victim, and even if he left for the ow then yeah, also always the victim.

Some people send a friend as it reduces conflict. I wouldn’t necessarily blame him for that.

you can’t control what he tells people. You know you didn’t cheat but if people believe him then that’s their look out.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

I can understand him not wanting to be F2F with you at this point.
I don't think there is anything unreasonable in that, it sounds very sensible in any separation where there is still a lot of raw emotion.

I agree with the rest of @Dogdogdogdig 's post too.

Try and centre your child in this.
Was he happy to see his dad?

Deep breath and everytime you obsess and ruminate about him, try to redirect your focus onto your own self.
give up any hope of :
convincing him he’s been wrong so he’s sorry
coltrilling the narrative he will tell to his people
him treating your child (or you) thoughtfully in the way you treat people

let him show his true colours

then you might start to find some peace in your new freedom xx

All of this. It’s early days so you’re understandably angry. If you can get to a place where his behaviour doesn’t give you a reaction beyond an eyeroll he’ll lose any power he has over you.

Surely it is because he didn’t want to see you rather than he couldn’t be arsed to get out of the car.

He did it to avoid seeing you face to face given everything that is going on, which is actually probably very sensible. The most important thing is if your son had good/quality time with his dad. The rest is just window dressing while the dust settles.

It’s only been 10 days. Emotions are still raw and high. It sounds like sending someone else was sensible to avoid any conflict or tension in front of your son.

It’s been 10 days since you split so it’s probably not that he couldn’t be bothered it’s more he didn’t want to have to see/talk to you. Saying he didn’t grab his son for a hug is you nitpicking. Don’t look for little things to get annoyed over, focus on moving on with your life

You are looking for things to have a go at him about so he’s keeping out of your way.

There’s nothing to think about - you’ve been separated less than a fortnight and he doesn’t want to see you. It’s normal.

You’re guessing at reasons and projecting. Don’t add to the difficulties.

He didn't send his friend to collect him. He was in the car with the friend, and the friend walked over to avoid conflict. Your title is very misleading, and makes it sound like he just wasn't there at all.

I know you're hurting at the moment, it's all very raw, and you feel you've been treated badly.

There are three versions of what happened - yours, his, and the actual truth, which usually lies somewhere in the middle.

If he has cheated, that's awful. You can't control his narrative to people he knows, though. It's wrong to lie, but obviously he's not going to want to admit to people what he's done.

What you CAN do, however, is deal with things as best you can for your son, and try your absolute best not to get bogged down with every last thing.

Your husband did see your son. That's what's important. Not who physically walked out of the car. You can't control how he parents on his time. That's a lesson that you need to learn quickly now you're separated, and it can definitely be frustrating and difficult!

He didn't send his friend to collect him. He was in the car with the friend, and the friend walked over to avoid conflict. Your title is very misleading, and makes it sound like he just wasn't there at all.

Agree

He’s a cunt

Gosh how pathetic of him.