Mother never being happy with me is affecting my mind, favours brothers

[Flowers100]

Please help. I help her but she she speaks so lovingly to my brothers (who don't help her much in her house) and to me with barely any emotion. She says I'm moody when I'm not, I'm nice to everyone. In her mind I'm this unbearable person. I feel I'm going to lose my mind because she always hurts me. She always uses her health as a shield for why she can speak like that to me and she says she's the mother no one can question her. I feel like I might lose it, scream and she teally makes me feel down. I'm trying to pretend I'm really happy that she won't affect me and my smile looks like a mad person you'd feel uncomfortable looking at. I don't speak with her with attitude

You don’t have to accept this , is she ever nice to you , I would reduce contact and let the golden boys step up

I haven't seen my dm since 2012.

I can strongly recommend it.

You have all the power here. If she has capacity, you can set a boundary.

You may need help to do that but telling her you will sadly have to leave if she does x can happen. When she does x, leave without comment. Quietly, calmly. It will get worse. But then it will get better.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry, it’s really really complicated having a tricky relationship with our mums, I hear you 100%!
but ultimately, in your mind you need to put all that shit that she’s projected onto you back in it’s right place, it’s not yours to carry.
id highly recommend some therapy xx

She can be nice too. It's all really confusing. Today I asked why she speaks with so much love more to my brothers, her face changed like I did something wrong to her when I wasn't angry (I wouldn't dare do that my parents) when I asked. She replied I'm always moody when I'm not but always I'm slandered so I said "I'm not" but I was tired of defending myself so then said "ok youre right, Im always moody".. That was her justification for why she can't even smile at me just saying hello in the morning. She didn't show she was upset I cried that she slandered me, just looked irritated as usual. Is this normal for mothers

OP there is a stately homes thread on here that people often reference. I don’t know where it is but someone should be along soon to suggest it. May I also ask if you are from a culture where sons are historically valued more highly than daughters?
It’s not ok for your mother to behave in this way and gaslight you into thinking you’re the one with the problem

Yes, some people do favour sons from our community but my parents always said they treated us equally. And my mum would always tell me from time to time her dream was to have a daughter. I'm her only daughter.

It may well be that your mother thinks she treats you and your brothers equally. It doesn’t mean that that is what she actually does. IT may be that her attitude to you reflects some internalised misogyny (that unconsciously she thinks males are worth more than females, including herself) or for some other subconscious reason she is valuing you less highly than your brothers. At the end of the day, the behaviour you are describing will say much more about her own internal (mental) world than it does about you but it is still very hurtful and confusing to live with. I wonder how your mother’s relationship is with her own mother, and how much she felt valued by her