So my DD is almost 5. Since she was born my MIL hasn’t shown an awful lot of interest. She comes around for a visit once a month if we’re lucky, it feels like a “duty call” but normally talks about herself the whole time she is here does not show interest in DD’s life - how school is going etc.
Her and my DH don’t have the closest of relationships - she and my FIL divorced when he was 13 and he ended up moving in with FIL at 15 due to him and MIL not getting on. He never calls around to see her or checks in with her etc and same the other way around - she will send the occasional text and again call in once a month or so.
when DD was born she made a comment “I don’t do nappies” I felt this was a way of telling us she won’t be offering childcare. My mother on the other hand has provide all the childcare for us to work etc and has an amazing special bond with my DD, has her round for sleepovers etc.
I get a vibe my MIL doesn’t like this. In my Dads last party she only wanted my mum and wouldn’t go to anyone else. MIL stormed out in a huff. My DH is totally defensive of her though and gets defensive when I say him and his mum aren’t close however he has in the past said comments to me such as I need to keep her an arms length because otherwise we argue.
Anyway last week DH was taking DD swimming one evening and MIL text asking to call, he offered her to go swimming with them and she did. I stayed at home. My DH returned and said to me MIL asked if she could come and pick up DD every week and take her swimming. DH agreed. I was furious he had agreed to this without discussing with me first.
I am annoyed she has not bothered or offered any support and now DD is coming of an age where she is easier, independent and “more fun to do things with” suddenly wants to be involved. Also I have concerns over my DD’s safety in her care, she is quite a irresponsible individual and some of the stories DH has told me about his childhood and all the scars accident etc he’s had haunt me.
I told DH I didn’t feel comfortable with that and he went very defensive and said I am keeping our DD for “my family. “ So I agreed I would go swimming with them for the first time and watch from the viewing gallery and see how it goes. My DH says I’m being ridiculous and advising me not to watch them because it will make MIL uncomfortable and p her off and that I should go to the gym whilst they are swimming so I have driven her there myself and she’s not being driven my MIL is that makes me feel better. I don’t feel comfortable with that and have made the decision I will be watching, also I am not happy for this to become a weekly thing when DD has other activities going on she will get too tired for school etc. I have a feeling MIL will get stroppy with me or say a dig when she finds out I’m staying to watch.
Am I being unreasonable? Any advice