Would you choose an equal partner or a more generous provider?

[Sarahandjenny]

I’m curious what other women would choose, especially those who have been in a similar position.
Option 1 is the stereotypical “nice guy”. He’s sensible, thoughtful, reliable and would genuinely want to be a very involved dad. I honestly think if we had children he’d probably do as much as me, if not more, and would see parenting as something we both do.
The downsides are that he can be quite moany and particular. He watches money closely, notices mess, and if I left a dish in the sink overnight he’d probably comment on it. He’s very “on it” with the house and finances. Sometimes that can feel a bit irritating or restrictive, but underneath it he means well and is dependable.
Option 2 is much more of the “bad boy” type. Historically he could be a real arsehole, although he has made progress and is considerably better than he used to be. He’s also generous financially and currently pays for basically everything at home.
However, the trade-off is that most of the domestic stuff falls to me — cooking, cleaning, hoovering, keeping things running etc. I work too and want to continue working, including if I have children. If I’m realistic, I suspect that if we had kids I would end up carrying most of the childcare and mental load as well.
So essentially one gives me more financial freedom but probably leaves me doing most of the home/kids side, whereas the other is more financially cautious and particular but would probably be a much more equal partner and hands-on dad.
If you were choosing someone to actually build a life and have children with, which setup would you choose?
And if you’ve chosen either type in real life, how did it work out once children, work, money and the boring day-to-day reality came into it?

Both sound awful. Are you a man or a journalist btw?

Dedine "half decent". What exactly does half decent look like ?

If you were choosing someone to actually build a life and have children with, which setup would you choose?
Absolutely none of them. They're both terrible types of men to start a family with. You're going to struggle with either type of men.

I'd find someone else entirely. Someone who's a provider, a family man, dependable and doesn't believe in 50/50, but in more traditoinal gender roles.

If you are truly asking neither is a good one. You need to be madly in love and that is all, unless they are controlling and love bombing.

Agree

You sound like you have experience of living with both of these men? What’s the set up?? Or is this a hypothetical question?

First post nails it. I wouldn't really want to have to choose between a nitpicking tightwad and a feckless 'bad boy' either.

You don't have to pick between bad choice A and bad choice B - there are actually men who aren't critical, lazy, selfish etc

If I was dithering between two possible life partners I would think I didn't love either of them enough for a long-term commitments. If I did love one of them enough I would probably go ahead despite any number of red flags!