Relationship ended after 16 years

[Anxiousgirl93]

My partner of 16 years left yesterday, he hasn't been feeling happy and himself for a few years and he's decided to go try & move to another country and stay with his friend. He said he cannot give me what I deserve, he needs to find himself and be alone for now. I feel completely heartbroken and don't know how ill ever get over it. He doesn't want to cut contact and I don't either. I just hope whatever he's feeling he sorts out and comes back to me. I'm totally lost and alone

I'm sorry. It's awful when they just bugger off like that.
You must be feeling so abandoned.
Have you got any children?

I feel for him I really do as obviously he's not happy, I really wanted him to stay but that would of been selfish of me, nope no kids just 1 cat haha, it's such a horrible feeling

I am sorry to say this, but it is always true in my experience: cherchez la femme.

I'm so sorry, after 16 years it's a massive life change and you're still reeling from the shock.

What I will tell you is that you will get over it, but that it takes time and effort. It may involve counselling, but mostly being kind to yourself, keeping busy and remembering that this is not about you, there is nothing wrong with you.

Please think about having a break from contact with him - you are going to struggle to get over him if he's still in your life 'as a friend'. He has hurt you, and you don't need friends who hurt you. If he's going to be giving you updates on his new life, that's just going to hurt you further.

Try not to hold out hope that he will come to his senses and come back - this is just going to stop you moving on with your life. You can't live in a kind of limbo, waiting and hoping. You need to draw a line and get on with your life. You will be ok and you will get there 💐

Appreciate your message thank you. I know I understand its just really hard. I just want him to do what he needs to get himself better. I think maybe I do need to think about the contact situation it's just so hard the thought of not speaking or seeing him again

He has left you. By remaining in contact and trying to be friends, he gets to do that in a softer way and with his conscience cushioned. I would not allow him to leave a toe in the door like that. If he doesn’t want to be with you any more, whatever he thinks his reasons are, then he has to go. Anything else is unfair to you and just keeps you dangling. Protect yourself and make him face up the reality of what he has chosen.

Going off to find himself, maybe see a few ladies and when it doesn’t work out he still has you to come back to.

Ick.

Slam the door closed on this one.

He's left you on the hook, and that's not fair. He didn't need to go to another country to sort his shit out. He could have done that here, and kept you in his life. As it is he's hedging his bets massively, by saying he wants to be friends, so he will always have a soft place to land if it goes tits up and he comes back.

Decide you're not a service provider, he's not entitled to access to you regardless of his decisions, and there are consequences to what he's done. You need to move on, and he's being selfish by suggesting you keep hope alive.

My advice is to cut contact. He's left you dangling, keeping you for comfort and in case whatever he's doing doesn't work out. Incredibly selfish.
It's very painful but cut the cord and focus on yourself now. Don't be left in limbo while he is having new experiences for himself.