How break-ups should happen

[ncGW]

I'm a man in a relationship that isn't happy anymore - and trying to estimate whether it can be repaired or should end, leaning 'should end' and wondering how.

There isn't any major event changing things - no cheating or sudden unacceptable act. Just wrong time, wrong place, personalities, and the exhaustion of true connection being always promised just behind the horizon, and then always being told I'm falling short. That time. And again, this time. And also, the next time.

Not of course that I never fall short; but if I'm left feeling I always fall short...

What I'm wondering is how to land well. I still love her, and even where I'm too hurt to love her, I don't want to hurt her. I think our ties are probably more painful than beneficial for her too at this point.

A good break-up should allow us both to take stock of the good there's been, of the growth and learning, but also help us in accepting where we are, and that supporting each other is accepting we go our separate ways. Or so I guess ; I should be old enough to have experience, but I don't.

I'm looking for your thoughts. Deep ones, shallow ones, funny, painful, telling me how i should remain open or resolved... I need your collective wisdom, humour, sensitiveness and thick skin right now.

AI slop

Just tell her the relationship isn't working for you anymore and you no longer wish to be a part of it.
Don't mess about with the 'I still love you' stuff, it just muddies the water and makes the split harder.

I'm real. I sometimes use AI to write but this time it's the product of living.

I don't think you can have a good break up if you don't want it but the kindest thing is be honest, extinguish hope gently and don't start the let's be friends bollocks. It's over. Tell her you're sorry, you're not compatible with her and it's no one's fault but you are not going to continue in a relationship. Obviously nicer than that but be clear and honest and don't centre it all on you and how upset you are to say it.

I agree. Don't over-complicate things and don't go in with "I still love you, we can still be friends" thing.
Have a face to face conversation and simply say "This relationship is difficult for me and it's not what I currently need. Thank you for everything. Take care". Then leave and don't contact her again.

The only 'good' break ups are where the couple have both agreed that they have grown apart. In most splits, one partner is bumbling along thinking things might be a bit rocky but everything is basically OK and then their partner comes in with 'I'm leaving, everything is shit'.

So basically if one partner can avoid blindsiding the other, I'd call that a good break up.

Exactly this.

It’s silly to ask internet for opinions, without giving any details. Depending on how long your relationship is, kids or not, what was it like
ost of the time, if you have tried to raise issues and tries to solve problems.

it's the product of living.

Fucking hell. What a load of flowery crap.

What I'm wondering is how to land well.

Have you got a pilot's licence, then?

If you are real it depends on whether you have children to consider etc...

There's not an easy way to do it when you still love someone, but sometimes it's necessary when the other person doesn't love you back, all i would say (and i'm assuming there are no kids involved) just make it as pain free for both of you as you can, it's easy when you are the one that still loves to feel some kind of resentment for the fact that the other person caused the situation but spite won't get you anywhere. Set yourself free and let her go and see if she's capable of finding happiness elsewhere.

Just be honest- say I'm really sorry but the relationship isn't working for you anymore and you'd like to end things. Don't tell her that it's best for her/she could do better- that part is hers to decide... Let her ask the questions she wants answered, and give her honest but compassionate/considerate responses...

I’m embarrassed for you.

your ability to disengage healthily relies on how mature and healthy BOTH of you have demonstrated to be up to this point. Has your relationship been largely warm despite that it now needs to end? How have you seen them handle massive disappointment before?