Mental Health Crisis, Help Required, Please.
I have been in a relationship for nearly a year, I feel like its toxic and sour.
When I met him, I was introduced to his family and friends, he apparently told me after I left, they all thought I was scum and that he should break up with me. I broke my heart, next day I thought he was dumping me, after they spoken, said I wasn’t good enough for him, but he didn’t, but I asked why would they say hurtful thing, his response, shut the f up and move on from it, following week, his mother came in, this was the first time, 1 on 1 with his mother, she instantly called me his ex-name, then told me his ex was love of his life, went back and forth, worn his heart on his sleeve, loved her so much, dirty bitch, but loved her. I looked at my boyfriend, he remained silent. I said when she left, well, I don’t stand a chance, she instantly taken dislike to me, and prefers the ex and that I was ‘second best’ because I was called ‘scum’ and now his mam literally told me his ex was better [am I wrong?]. I was upset, my anxiety started to take over, didn’t understand why people could, would taken instant dislike to me, I made an effort, but they taken a dislike, when I spoke up and asked my boyfriend, his reply was, ‘shut the fk up’, ‘f off’, asking questions, yes on my part, I did go on about his ex, I found out, they never called her names, they helped ‘them move house’, but comment on her [dirty] home, they invited her into their home, didn’t comment on her [appearance, personality]. Family gathering was coming up, I asked if I could get introduced to family so it could be less awkward at the gathering, same response I got previously from my boyfriend, how he told me his ex managed to fit in with family, his mother, cousins would interact with her [fine] but I found it difficult and asked for his help, and he refused, more arguments would come from it. Other things would crop up, like he told me she rescued him, he got kicked out, they met in a bar and she told him home, he moved in within 5 mins of knowing each other. [When we got together, he said he wanted to move in with me, so I tried to get that in place but he kept saying he wanted to be with his parents, and close to home but I couldn’t afford those prices]. However, turns out they were couple months prior to moving in [which my gut told me too]. He would deny and tell me to shut the f up, but a year later his mother confirmed they were item, he LOVED her so moved in. He told me FOREVER he didn’t like her, he used her. After several weeks been together, he started saying things to me like I was embarrassment, lair, 2 faced, twisty f**er, then started, with I’m sleeping around, entertaining men, whore, slag, my mental health was beginning to snap, break, I was open and honest with him, telling him I was struggling, but he wouldn’t listen, I’d say I was upset, he say I was causing an argument. I did mention his ex, because he’d tell me he was nice to her, but he was been, well horrible to me.
If someone said, she asked for sex, I said Yes. But I ask for sex, he say no?
If I said can I have your family details to build bridges, and told no? but then say his ex fit in, was around his family, had conversations, and went to parties, had drinking sessions with, if he left her and she asked him to come home, and he did, but I ask for help and told f off, he insulted me, argued with me, yet he never with her, who would you say he preferred?
I started paying for therapy and taking 3 different types of antidepressants which upset me more.
Over the year, we’ve argued that I am upset, that people are insulting me, and he does nothing, yet hes angry and aggressive with anyone who confronts him or his family, friends, but when it comes to me, he makes me look enemy, and hes the victim. He tells his Mam that I have the problems, but I want to fit in.
I blocked most, if not all my male friends as he kept saying I was been inappropriate and entertaining them? But I was friends with them for YEARS.
I used to go to gigs, hikes, etc, and it was ‘friendship’ only. But he didn’t see that way, he would say it was something else. Say i was dirty.
Yet, he would allow a woman to sit on his knee, then tell me I couldn’t never do that otherwise he would leave me. [but I don’t need to sit on blokes knee for pleasure?] He kissed and cuddled female friends, but it was ok because they were his friends, but my friends weren’t my friends? he said it was DIRTY to be friends with opposite sex, yet he would have female friends texting him, and putting several kisses, [which didn’t bother me, only bothered me when he would have a go about my friends just asking if I was ok].
Over the year, he tell me his mother was talking behind my back, so I refused to go in the house to not upset her or make me feel awkward, however he would threaten to leave me if I didn’t go in so I would.
He’s threaten the police on me 4-5 times.
First time, because I’d lost so much weight and crying, my friends were worried I had eating disorder, or poorly, that they offered to go on hike, and he said if I went on a hike with a [male] friend, he would go to police about photos HE SENT ME.
Then I had mental break down, I couldn’t manage, get up, crying constantly, he threatened me with police and I had to be careful otherwise I’d lose my jobs.
Then he threatened again, I asked to see him before I went on holiday, he told me to f off, didn’t want to see me, [unless I came over sex or/and wanted a lift to apt], I responded, I came into his home, when he said his mother slagged me off, and I was uncomfortable, why couldn’t he see me before I went on holiday. He then suddenly SHOUTED, are you suggesting I raped you. I was stunned/shocked. He continued to shout, are you suggesting I raped you. He got out into his street, and shouting, called me a c* and said he was ringing the police and walked back in the house. I told my therapist [because i was a mess] who informed the police as safeguarding issue, [I have a child]. Police came to the house; it was so embarrassing and upsetting. I felt like my world was crashing down. However, they said it wasn’t me, it was the relationship. I shouldn’t be threatened, treated like this. 4th time, we argued, he always gets his words out, his points across, his argument out, but when I respond, he shuts me down, cuts me off, which causes me to get upset, frustrated and get emotional.
His family don’t like me, his mother scolds at me, daily. She called me his ex name several times, even after a year. He told me, no one liked his ex, yet his family are all over her facebook with kisses, love hearts etc. He tells me she was invited to parties, yet none of his family make an effort with me, its always me making me the effort with them. Its got to the point, I have therapy every week, mental health professionals ringing me, or I am ringing them daily, and on tablets to try and calm my nerves.