Would it be wise to buy a home with our son and his wife

[Dorsetlife]

This is a bit confusing. So due to various events my partner and I are now living in rented accommodation , it is not very nice, landlord has it on the market and I want out. I hate it here and its just wasted money. Basically we are now to old to buy anything, so we got to talking and partner suggested that maybe it would a good idea to buy something with our son and his wife. I thought it was a fabulous idea, my son could have the house in his name ( a high earner), we all get on well and this would give us security. But suddenly partner has changed his mind, now wants to stay here and has this deluded idea that if the landlord does sell then he would buy him another house to rent ( vague family connection) . The only reason he can come up with with is that if things did not work out with DS then he would never be able rent somewhere else. I am very tempted to just go in with DS on my own, would be interested to hear MN's thoughts on this.. I think DP is being rather foolish.

The devils in the detail but it could get very messy. If you were to go ahead, I would at the very least, engage in separate counsel.

No

Everyone i know who have done this have regretted it - usually the younger generation.

This.
Far too many if's.

Multi-generational living is definitely a thing! However you do need to really be clear about ownership and have a plan legally worked out about what happens if you die. Your partner sounds a little interesting. Are you sure he can share a home with a lot of people if babies come along?

Edit as I missed that you have nothing financially to offer.
I think your son needs to understand his partner and future kids may not appreciate his generosity as much as you do. Do you get on very well with his partner and is she OK with you moving in? As others have said, if son is paying for it all she would be entitled to live in it with any kids if they ever divorce which would put you in a difficult situation.

Yeah I agree.

Have I missed the bit where you explain your finances.

You are renting but have got money in the bank?
How old are you ?
Could you move to a different area? either buying or renting depending on how much cash you have.

X

I do think annexe is your best bet because there are clear boundaries and you have the privacy in each couple

This is a recipe for disaster.

I see this at work frequently and once in, if dynamics shift or you don’t get on as you thought you might, you’re all stuck.

Im sorry you’re in the position you are OP but this is not the solution.

It's hard to determine by what you said. Is there a reason your finances are the way they are at your ages?

It makes you stuck and reliant on a situation that can sour very quickly, even with the best intentions.

No.

My mil wanted to move in with us but everytime we lived together temporarily it was a nightmare. I think you'd regret this.

Would you put money towards the house? Would you pay rent?
A separate annex is ideal but those kind of properties are not common. And if you did do this have a lawyer draw up an agreement so everyone is protected. It worked well for a friend of mine but they actually built a separate annex. Her kids were school age and the grandmother did quite a bit of childcare.

This, plus having clear decisions in writing about what happens in relationship breakdowns and other life changing circumstances.

Again to answer questions, why are we in this situation, well I have a property abroad which I am trying to sell so my money is tied up for now. Yes I would put money towards the house and pay rent. My partner was made bankrupt due to bad decision making if I'm honest. Buying a place with an annexe would be possible around here. Def good advice about getting a legal document drawn up. Lots to think about.

I know of two families who did this and both times it ended in disaster:

1. the younger couple split up
2. the older couple split up

OP this would be a very foolish move. Don’t do it. Stand on your own two feet and let your son and his wife do the same.

Do not do this under any circumstances!. I know if people who have done this and it’s not at all worked out for any of them. Their relationship has never recovered.

When there is a 50 percent chance of failure, for most who value retaining good family relations over money and living in a nicer place, it's not a good risk.

I'd put efforts into selling your place abroad, whether it be better staging, inexpensive touchups like painting the interior, curb appeal, etc. I'd rather live in a small, basic space versus live with extended family.

If your sons wife leaves him because he moved his parents in (especially if either of you start to need care and he dumps that entirely in her because of his Big Job), then she will take half of your money with her in the house sale too if you put it under your son’s name.