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Am I overreacting to be put off by his humour and comments?

48 replies

Sparklingfirefly · 14/09/2026 11:19

I've ran this past a couple of friends. One hasn't replied and the other says she would find it quite off-putting.

I met a fella a few months ago. We've had a few meet ups but due to work and other commitments, not very many, so really just getting to know each other. We're in our fifties.

I knew from the minute I met him that he had a big sense of humour, a really loud kind of bellowing laugh, quite whacky, we connected over it in fact. My ex from a few years back rarely laughed at anything, was very serious even when he didn't need to be, I don't think I ever heard a belly laugh out of him and sometimes if I was laughing too hard or too loud at something, he'd tell me to quieten down. So new man is a breath of fresh air in that respect.

I was meant to see him over the weekend but haven't been well. I texted him that I still wasn't feeling good, He was sympathetic. Then he started sending jokes. The first one was a woman, a meme of a very overweight woman, jumping off a boat, causing a tidal wave that sinks the boat. It was doing the rounds earlier in the year and whilst I'm no prude or ultra feminist, I still found it insulting to overweight women. Then he sent kind of a video clip joke of two men in a bar, one saying if I slept with your wife does that make us cousins, and the other responding, no, but it makes us even.

Am I overreacting to find it really grim? He had written underneath "This is extremely funny". I immediately responded and told him what I thought of it.

His response was yes, it's dark humour.

Since last night I have heard nothing from him and to be honest, I hope it stays that way so I don't have to tell him where to shove it.

There have been other things about him that have put me off. He eye tracks other women when we're out together. He even comments on them. Look at her tight top... if those trousers get any tighter. A couple of weeks back it looked as if he forgot I was even sitting next to him, he just sat staring and staring at some very young women. I even turned my back to him, then he noticed I had noticed and asked me if I was OK!

He seems to love pointing out overweight people. Oh sooooo many fat people around... his son-in-law is obese, there are mixed reasons for it, some medical issues. I said yes, he needs to lose a fair bit of weight (half his body weight bless him) otherwise he will get problems soon. His response... "But you should see his MOTHER!!".

Does anyone know the Raygun breakdancing fiasco at the Olympics a couple of years ago? I must have had my head in the sand because I'd never heard of her. I sent him a few videos and he said "She's clearly too fat to dance". No way is she fat at all, she just couldn't dance / hadn't put in the training / had little talent versus the other dancers. He has also commented on his daughter being way too fat and how gorgeous she used to be. That has made me really cringe. I told him it should be about health and not her appearance.

I think he's a nasty misogynist who at the moment thinks he has me fooled but his true nature is showing through. After all, people show us who they really are eventually. And sometimes quite quickly if we pay attention and don't get bowled over by initial attraction.

By the way, I'm a healthy and fit size 12. He has a pot belly. I wonder if it's insecurity but I think I'm past caring. I think he's grim.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
scotvic · 15/09/2026 18:21

He sounds absolutely ghastly and I can’t
imagine why you would even consider being with him for a moment!!! Dump him and tell him why! He is a misogynist and crude with it, sexist, fattist, and arrogant and insensitive!

Banoffeepie29 · 15/09/2026 18:26

Have you posted about this before?

Jackospice · 15/09/2026 18:27

Well you’ve said what you think about the man you’re dating
I think he's a nasty misogynist

so I am wondering why that isn’t enough for you and why you need anyone else’s opinions?

Dollymylove · 15/09/2026 18:31

Do you feel the same way about jokes in the same vein about men?
Cos there are plenty going around, believe me.
Oh for the days when folk didn't pick every conversation apart trying to find offence 🙄

Horses7 · 15/09/2026 18:43

You’ve managed to make my mind up by paragraph 3!

godmum56 · 15/09/2026 18:50

well i'd kick him to the kerb but my view doesn't matter, its what you will tolerate

Bikergran · 15/09/2026 18:51

Dump, block, move on.

RemindMeIn15Minutes · 15/09/2026 19:00

Yeah, don’t contact him again…

venus7 · 15/09/2026 19:12

Sparklingfirefly · 14/09/2026 12:07

I really don't understand what is meant by they would be "even"? Even in what sense?

Infidelity has occurred between the other two.

rolloverbeethoven · 15/09/2026 20:12

Goodness me OP, why are you even considering this plonker?

Namechangee11 · 15/09/2026 20:33

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 14/09/2026 11:52

He sounds like a total cunt.

I'm not sure why you're asking if you're overreacting, though. You already know full well that you're not overreacting, and you've said as much pretty forcefully in your post.

What she said.

FFSItsTooHot · 15/09/2026 21:08

I think merely the fact that he ogles other women when you are out with him, and makes remarks about them would put me right off,never mind everything else you've mentioned. Quite a few years ago,I ended up finishing things with a guy I'd been seeing for several months because he wouldn't stop eyeing up other women when we were out,then making, often crude, remarks about them. As for the remarks and jokes you said that he's made about overweight people,as a formerly very overweight person myself,I couldn't put up with that!

Thundertoast · 15/09/2026 21:16

Id dump him for thinking those jokes are 'dark humour' as opposed to 'generic gross lad banter' even before I think about how awful he is otherwise.

MadellineBellPictureMeGoneNS · 15/09/2026 21:19

Not ofte

MadellineBellPictureMeGoneNS · 15/09/2026 21:24

Not often I say it because there no need most of the time.
I'm late 50s male.
He's a fucking dinosaur get rid
Can't abide men like this as they think they're soooo hilarious.
Worked with the same as they don't like being pulled up on it.

MadellineBellPictureMeGoneNS · 15/09/2026 21:26

FFSItsTooHot · 15/09/2026 21:08

I think merely the fact that he ogles other women when you are out with him, and makes remarks about them would put me right off,never mind everything else you've mentioned. Quite a few years ago,I ended up finishing things with a guy I'd been seeing for several months because he wouldn't stop eyeing up other women when we were out,then making, often crude, remarks about them. As for the remarks and jokes you said that he's made about overweight people,as a formerly very overweight person myself,I couldn't put up with that!

Edited

Being overweight can be remedied
Being a thick obnoxious bastard well that's for life.

momtoboys · 15/09/2026 21:30

"He has also commented on his daughter being way too fat and how gorgeous she used to be. That has made me really cringe. I told him it should be about health and not her appearance." I have a brother like this. You do not want to waste your time with such a idiot.

HoldMeFlat · 15/09/2026 21:32

No you are not BU op, he sounds utterly vile 🤮 I couldn’t bare anyone so misogynistic or someone putting women down like that. It would really put me off.
i often caught my ex tracking other women, often the same age as own own daughters (mid to late 20’s) or roundabout and it turned my stomach. He would deny it and said he hadn’t noticed them or wasn’t looking, but it made me feel so insecure. There were clearly other issues in the marriage and it did end.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 15/09/2026 22:33

Sparklingfirefly · 14/09/2026 12:07

I really don't understand what is meant by they would be "even"? Even in what sense?

He meant he had already slept with his friends wife.

Beccahm · 17/09/2026 07:29

Sparklingfirefly · 14/09/2026 11:19

I've ran this past a couple of friends. One hasn't replied and the other says she would find it quite off-putting.

I met a fella a few months ago. We've had a few meet ups but due to work and other commitments, not very many, so really just getting to know each other. We're in our fifties.

I knew from the minute I met him that he had a big sense of humour, a really loud kind of bellowing laugh, quite whacky, we connected over it in fact. My ex from a few years back rarely laughed at anything, was very serious even when he didn't need to be, I don't think I ever heard a belly laugh out of him and sometimes if I was laughing too hard or too loud at something, he'd tell me to quieten down. So new man is a breath of fresh air in that respect.

I was meant to see him over the weekend but haven't been well. I texted him that I still wasn't feeling good, He was sympathetic. Then he started sending jokes. The first one was a woman, a meme of a very overweight woman, jumping off a boat, causing a tidal wave that sinks the boat. It was doing the rounds earlier in the year and whilst I'm no prude or ultra feminist, I still found it insulting to overweight women. Then he sent kind of a video clip joke of two men in a bar, one saying if I slept with your wife does that make us cousins, and the other responding, no, but it makes us even.

Am I overreacting to find it really grim? He had written underneath "This is extremely funny". I immediately responded and told him what I thought of it.

His response was yes, it's dark humour.

Since last night I have heard nothing from him and to be honest, I hope it stays that way so I don't have to tell him where to shove it.

There have been other things about him that have put me off. He eye tracks other women when we're out together. He even comments on them. Look at her tight top... if those trousers get any tighter. A couple of weeks back it looked as if he forgot I was even sitting next to him, he just sat staring and staring at some very young women. I even turned my back to him, then he noticed I had noticed and asked me if I was OK!

He seems to love pointing out overweight people. Oh sooooo many fat people around... his son-in-law is obese, there are mixed reasons for it, some medical issues. I said yes, he needs to lose a fair bit of weight (half his body weight bless him) otherwise he will get problems soon. His response... "But you should see his MOTHER!!".

Does anyone know the Raygun breakdancing fiasco at the Olympics a couple of years ago? I must have had my head in the sand because I'd never heard of her. I sent him a few videos and he said "She's clearly too fat to dance". No way is she fat at all, she just couldn't dance / hadn't put in the training / had little talent versus the other dancers. He has also commented on his daughter being way too fat and how gorgeous she used to be. That has made me really cringe. I told him it should be about health and not her appearance.

I think he's a nasty misogynist who at the moment thinks he has me fooled but his true nature is showing through. After all, people show us who they really are eventually. And sometimes quite quickly if we pay attention and don't get bowled over by initial attraction.

By the way, I'm a healthy and fit size 12. He has a pot belly. I wonder if it's insecurity but I think I'm past caring. I think he's grim.

What do you all think?

You've called this accurately, OP. And the joke that he thought was extremely funny ...regardless of the offensive nature of it, it's objectively NOT extremely funny. It's not even dark humour. So not only is he pretty toxic, he's also pretty stupid.

You're well rid x

JadedVeryJaded · 17/09/2026 07:57

I wouldn’t have met for a first date. Raise your bar OP!!!

HoldMeFlat · 17/09/2026 14:08

JadedVeryJaded · 17/09/2026 07:57

I wouldn’t have met for a first date. Raise your bar OP!!!

That isn’t very fair to the OP, he clearly didn’t show this side of him at first on reading her post. This is a recent revelation that he’s shown and she’s dealt with it accordingly.

People are often on their best behaviour when you first meet met them. Hell, I didn’t see the monster my ex was capable of becoming, until I would no longer accept and fall for his manipulation tactics and lies. That was a real eye opener for me.

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