Ex sent birthday email after split and I need reassurance

[MummysLittleSunbeam]

Hello…

A 10 month relationship ended when my avoidant ex humiliated and disrespected me.

He has just sent me the following email. We split up 3 weeks ago. I have blocked all comms but, this has just come through on my emails. We were due to spend my birthday together tomorrow.

Hi,

I know you’re not going to reply and that’s ok. Plus no drama intended or to upset you again.

Just wishing you a happy Birthday for tomorrow. Hope you have something planned and seeing the girls.

Kind regards

I am assuming that he doesn’t regret the end of the relationship or is in the slightest sorry for what he did…. ???

Just need reassurance….

Ignore - he’s trying to plant himself into your thoughts and be a ‘nice guy’.

Block the email he sent it from and forget about it. He’s trying to hoover you back in.

He humiliated and disrespected you but you were going to spend your birthday with him? Why?

Assuming he’s a reasonably decent guy I would take it at face value, he’s wishing you well on your birthday nothing more.

Switch it round, if it was his birthday would you have said Happy Birthday?

No need to reply to him though.

Believe mens actions. Did he act regretful and demonstrate being sorry? Words are irrelevant.

Sounds quite civil to me really.

He humiliated you and disrespected you just 10 months into a relationship. It doesn’t matter if he does regret the end of the relationship or feel sorry for what he did - you should NOT want him back in your life or to give him any headspace. He’s a cunt. He’s done this to try to weasel his way back in with you, and to get in your head. Possibly also to try to ruin your birthday given what he was like before. Don’t let him.

Block him on here too. Then put him out of your head. He showed you who he was in your relationship. You did the right thing getting rid of him.

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

Now is a great time to block the email address he used to contact you. Ignore and delete. Then try to forget about it and distract yourself if you catch yourself thinking about him.

The relationship is over, it sounds like that was a good decision. There's no need to second guess yourself or doubt the decisions you've made as a result of this email. You don't need him to apologise for what he did or express any regrets - you know what he did was wrong and you've decided to move on. No further input from him needed!

Happy birthday firstly. Am in a similar situation after 6 yrs but no humiliation. He texted saturday after 3 wks broken up forwarding an invite to his sons housewarming party for their first new home. Son has asked me in person several times so very torn. It's not easy, feelings are involved. Sending hugs.

He’s trying to worm his way back in. Do not fall for it.

Ignore, they just found another way to insert into your life. You split for what I assume is very good reasons, I imagine by the email one of them was overstepping your boundaries.

I am not saying he is a narcissist but if you have an inkling he has narc tendencies it would tie in with him as they always try get into your head before a birthday and ruin it as the day is about you not them.

He humiliated and disrespected you and you were only together for 10 months in total. Focus on that, not one bland email on your birthday. Ignore him. He isn't suddenly going to become a great bloke.

You’re being hoovered. Don’t fall for it. Remember how he treated you and how he made you feel. Block and delete. He is testing you to see if you’ll put up with his bullshit again. Please don’t reply.

Thanks everyone… really much appreciated!

When I ended it, he just said that it was a waste of f*cking 10 months then! After 3 weeks of no contact, on some level, I think that I wanted to know that I meant something to him.. I am assuming not, and that’s ok!!

He's testing the waters. I'd block him, if he said he wasted 10 months with you he's not serious, he just is seeing if you'll be a backup for him.

If the end was cruel then he’s doing some image maintenance: ‘yeah I’m cool with my exes’. He wants to look equinamous and I love the ‘drama’ line. That line usually comes from the very people who think it’s normal to behave like some crappy character in a soap opara. Drama means having ANY feelings about how he behaved. But you’re a cool girl yeah? All water under the bridge.

Nah, he just wants to keep centralising himself in your head and see if he can lure you back into another 10 months of him humiliating you and driving you mad with his avoidant behaviour. That way he feels important.

It's not about you, it's about him.

Block this loser and move on.

he’s probably thinking ‘fuck, she KNOWS I’m a piece of shit, what no effort thing makes ME feel and think she must be wrong for thinking that about me?’ I swear to god thats how they think when you’ve probably got a decent handle on what he amounts to. I honestly think they do and say this Mr Reasonable stuff and then just recall that curated image of themselves being so grown up and mature anytime the stuff they have actually done starts to bubble up at 2 am.

He does make me sound completely irrational and dramatic. I really am a very reasonable and down to earth person. I suspect, in the past (and he has done it to me), his behaviour has made ex’s absolutely lose it… which for me is uncharacteristic. She always seem to expect ‘drama’. What a twat!!

Ignore it is my advice. Could be mind games or he's hoping to get back in there. Move on and ignore x

Kind Regards?! That’s utterly bizarre 😂

Clearly unsuccessfully trying to gaslight you because it’s worked before. Well done for being strong and ending it — clearly he thought he was embedded enough to start showing his true colours hoping you wouldn’t leave and you’ve absolutely shown him 10 months of love bombing was a waste of time! I’m proud of you!

I think he hasn't found anyone else with as much money, as nice a home and the willingness to put up with his shit, so he's decided to try you again to see if you have a very short memory. Ignore it.

Like others have said that he just wants to remind you that you will never be rid, and that he is controlling the narrative knowing he is blocked everywhere but email, so lame but all meant to rattle your day. Dont feed into it, do not reply, as this is him fishing and wanting some type of control. Be glad you are rid. And no he will never regret anything.

Happy birthday btw and have a good one

@Lmnop22 - thanks very much! It has taken a while but, I think that I have finally learnt my lesson!!