Moving in with partner - needing advice

[Jemim1234]

Been with my partner 5 years, both have teenage kids who spend roughly 50% of time with us. All get on great, very happy.

Looking to move in together, in to partners house (it is the best size for us and ideal location). He earns about 1.5 times what I do, and has a mortgage on property. Trying to decide what we do financially and he’s given me options -

1. I keep the 40k equity from my property and invest elsewhere, pay him rent and split bills.
2. i invest 40k equity, go on title deeds and pay share of mortgage. But if we split the equity would have funded renovations so if maybe only get 30k back.

I am so conflicted - do I keep my equity but end up paying “empty” rent money and feel like a tenant for years? Or invest and take a risk of losing financially?

He Is desperate for a decision and wants us to move on. I’m just so conflicted

The obvious thing is to rent for the first year so that you are all comfortable - he, you and the kids - with the arrangement. It gives you both flexibility in the event that it doesn't work out. If it does then after a year invest your money and get a proper legal agreement drawn up in terms of the mortgage, your investment and the deeds.

Do you have to move in together? What is your situation, have you sold your house?

I know you've been together five years, but take it more slowly, and as pp said, pay rent first off. Then decide.

I'd be inclined to keep it clean, i.e. no messy sales, buy outs etc. in the event of a split (if you go on the deeds), so I'd stay paying him rent, invest my equity and see what happens down the line.

You and your children come first.

Why would money going on renovations mean you get less back than your investment down the line?

Surely if you invest £40k and it doesn’t work out, you sell and get back your £40k + reasonable share of profit of sale from when you went on the title deeds?

I just wouldn't. You will be totally disadvantaged whichever way. Why is that?

Would "your half" of partners house be worth more than the house you could buy for yourself now?

You need legal advice.
See a solicitor in yr lunch hour.
Do not move in until your mind rests easy about the future finances & a roof over your head.
There are enough women on MN who are left very vulnerable due to not taking legal advice.
Just do it! Act in haste, repent at leisure. You owe that to your child.

I would keep the £40k and rent for a bit. Ideally buy a house together. The law is changing next year supposedly so its more like common law partners.

I also would like to know why you lose £10k if you split? What does he lose? Who came up with these ideas that only seem to benefit him?

3. You invest 40k equity, go on title deeds and pay share of mortgage. And if you split, the renovations will have increased the value of the property, so you get more than your 40k back.

Why would you want to move in with him
youve git the best of both worlds
company when you want it
space when you need it

trust me, you don’t know exactly what someone is like until you live with them
totally different than spending odd night with them
its hard work

I think you need to live with someone for atleast a year before you’re legally tied to them in anyway

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the advice.

so we won’t gain money doing the renovations as such- but we’ll make the house better for us all to live in! That’s what makes it complicated

I do really want to live together - but I totally want to protect me and my kids too:

I will seek legal advice thank you

so we won’t gain money doing the renovations as such- but we’ll make the house better for us all to live in!

So why are you the only one taking the hit?

Surely it won't take £40K to do the renovations though? If that's the case, you probably need to collectively rent a more suitable property together?

But regardless, if the reno is needed for everyone to be comfortable, that is a shared cost, and doesn't just come out of your equity leaving you short in future. Plus, if one option is for you to invest the full £40k, does that mean the reno doesn't get done and that's ok? In which case, why can't you put your £40k into the property, go on the deeds and just don't do the reno?

Keep your nest egg! In case things go wrong and save it for your children.

Simple - work out the %

So house worth 1m, 550k on mortgage (450k equity) - you add 50k (for easy maths) - then you split mortgage in 2 (550k, so 275k each).

Add this to what is in house already - he has 725k (450 equity and 275 mortgage), you have 325k - so roughly 33% of the house is yours.

Divorce in 5 years and house is worth 1,5m, you get 33% of that (500k)

So you're saying that as soon as they make their first joint mortgage payment, even though she's only put in 10% of the equity, she immediately owns 33% of the equity?

I rather doubt this.

I immediately felt uncomfortable for you, reading that he is giving you options and pressing you for a decision. This is shouting red flags to me 🚩.

What about you giving him your options. What about you staying put, considering your options and doing whatever is best for you?

No - typed that in a rush!

I guess the example I was thinking of could be for my situation if it was to happen where there is no mortgage so easier to work out (i.e. person a puts in 400k, person b 200k so person b gets 1/3 regardless of future value).

It would need to be worked out on a spreadsheet as if they are both paying half the mortgage each, that side of it would need to be split

He’s desperate for a decision…why?

Have you considered keeping your property, renting it out and using the rental income to pay the mortgage on it?

How many dc do each of you have?

If you were going to get married, it would make sense to go on the deeds, but it could get seriously messy otherwise.

Thanks everyone for the input.
If I don’t invest he will still do some of the renovations but not all.
To be fair to him, he has asked me to come up with any other option too. And we have been discussing this for about a year!!

It just feels like it’s all we discuss though and we can’t come to a decision. That’s why we eventually settled on one of these two options!

I think I’ll probably keep my equity and maybe even buy another small property to rent out (my house is definitely needing sold before it needs work done- it’s worth a good amount right now!)

it feels like the joy of moving in together is ruined by all this!

If after a year’s discussion you can’t agree on a mutually equitable solution, perhaps co-habitation is not the right next step for you both.

If it was meant to be, perhaps it wouldn’t be so difficult?

My DSis moved in with her boyfriend. It was decided his place suited them better. She kept her house and rented it out. Her boyfriend said immediately that half each for their food was fine, as it wouldn’t cost him anything more to have her living there. They both felt happy that this was a trial run and each of them could very easily go back to their previous lives. There’s nothing like actually living with someone to find out if it’s going to work.

Eventually they decided to get married. Both properties were sold and they bought their own house together. They’ve been married for 15 years now.