Realising a close friend may not value the friendship equally

[Teams54]

Has anyone ever been in a situation where you have realised that you friends don’t see/value you in the same way you see them?

Very best friend of 30 years is getting married, she is an only child so no sisters to be bridesmaid. I would have thought I would be the obvious choice of bridesmaid (she was mine alongside my sisters) and I haven’t been asked. She rang me to say she was only having one bridesmaid and she found it very hard to chose but went with our other friend.

I can’t lie and said I wasn’t upset as I really was. I didn’t tell her that though, obviously she can pick whoever she likes. But it made me take a step back and reevaluate the friendship. In the past 3/4 months I have barely heard from her unless I reached out first, which now I can see was always the pattern

has anyone ever experienced similar? I have to say it’s not a nice feeling at all

Yeah, it's a common problem. Of course, disappointing, but you can't continue being the only driver of the friendship train. Stop making one-sided effort. Because a person, whether platonic or romantic, might accept invitations because they are too cowardly to just end what's not important to them. But if you stop initiating, they will let you fade away and avoid drama.

I've always matched a friend's efforts, and if they stop making effort, I do as well. Unfortunately as we get older, it's not as easy to make new friends, but not impossible. You just have to get out and join clubs or activities where women meet up. Take care!

Yes I’ve recently had the same thing. We have a friendship group of 5 couples. In this last year they have started doing many things without us, one major one being a holiday without us and then a significant birthday, which we were invited to, but in a less capacity than the other couples.

Its made me realize we don’t see the friendship in the same way and has made me step back, as the dynamic has changed. It hurts massively. I totally get you.

I had the bridesmaid thing too. Yes, it hurt. My hurt hurt her. After the wedding we lost touch. I felt that she had perhaps always felt more distant from me than I had from her. This also hurt.

I’ve seen her once since, years later, when we’d both been through more in our lives. Our plans to meet again after that never materialised and then we were done. It enabled us to have a decent final memory, though.

Yes I had the exact same thing but also she deliberately hid that she'd chosen someone else so I found out at the wedding. Like you I found myself reevaluating the friendship - we're still in touch but I've put a lot of space between us both and I don't know whether we'll even see each other again.

It hurts a lot @Teams54

Thank you all for sharing your stories ♥️