Is it selfish to lie to avoid arguments in a relationship?

[Whysoserious26]

I've lied to my bf, not over anything big but a lie. Im not trying to hurt him but I just dont need to explain myself, am I selfish or if it stops arguements is it ok?

It depends on the lie I think

I never condone lying but if it's a white lie about whether the dinner he cooked tasted nice but it didn't and you fib to save his feelings...that I could understand.

Yes. I think it depends on the lie. Unless you're a DM journo and then , yes. Its always wrong to lie

I know, but I don't want to get too into details here. But yeh if the lie was the other was around i would be ok with it.

I often don’t always tell the whole truth sometimes. Not a lie as such just omit certain things.

Obviously, it depends, so without any actual information it's impossible to say.

But in general, justifying lying to your partner is a trap, and the chances are it's going to bite you in the ass if you keep it up.

Well with you being that vague, it's hard to say! Much more context needed 🤷‍♀️

Why would it lead to an argument if it's an insignificant lie? Do you have to walk on egg shells round him? That would be worrying.

I think if you are having to lie so your bf doesn’t kick off, he’s either a controlling jerk or your behaviour is inappropriate. Either way, the relationship is dead is the water if that’s the place you’re at.

I think it's a red flag a lot of the time, because it means you're not able to be fully honest. Like mindutopia says, my assumption is either that you are doing something which is perfectly reasonable (e.g. having a male colleague/friend) but that your BF would object to - this never goes well long term, because control just tends to escalate.

Or you have a difference in belief in what's reasonable e.g. your bf thinks you don't smoke/gamble/go to church/sell nudes online but you do, and he doesn't know about this because you know it would upset him.

Or you are doing something which is shifty e.g. spending time with an ex, and your bf has good reason to object so you don't mention it.

I don't know... none of it is great. If his blow up would be unreasonable then it's not a good sign for the relationship in general. If you have clashing and sufficiently strong beliefs that you have to lie, it usually comes out eventually and then he will feel betrayed (and/or you end up stopping the thing out of guilt and then feel unhappy because whatever it is was actually important to you)

It's a bit of a pointless post TBH as a lie could be anything.

Personally we all lie IMO - from does my bum look big to I am just popping down the pub for one. Or food was nice, or yes, it would be great to have your parents over. Not to mention lies for good things like surprises, presents etc...

Impossible to answer obviously