Husband disappeared overnight after leaving, and I cannot move past it

[Mercedes78]

Long story short it’s pretty simple really, married 5 years with two small children. He gave me the script in January then left in May. He left the house suddenly, the Monday he announced we were over and he would be going to live with his mum while he sorts himself out. He stayed there till Friday then his mum called me Saturday night to say she didn’t know his whereabouts and His phone was off. The next morning he came running, begging to come back to me and I let him, I believed his story he was out drinking with a friend. However it’s played on my mind since and things don’t add up. He refuses to show me bank statements from that night. This is the biggest problem I have, he won’t prove his whereabouts. I am almost certain it was an OW but what do I do now? I’ve tried to move past it, but we’re in September now and it still plays on my mind. Will he eventually tell me? Do I really want to know the truth? Any advice would be much appreciated

When trust is gone, it's gone and it's very hard to get that back.. him not telling you the truth isn't going to help trust. It's also not just about the possibility of him cheating it's the walking out on you and the children. I couldn't go back from that, I would wonder when it would happen again.

OP, you deserve to be with someone who makes you life better, someone you trust, someone stable by your side as you bring up children. Is your hubby really this man? Or are you going to live, not trusting and feeling wrong-footed, paranoid? That's really no way to live.

Story as old as the hills. He left you fully intending to instantly replace you. They rarely leave unless they think they can hop from one warm bed to another.
He announced to OW that she had won and he had picked her. She told him to fuck off (reality hit and she realised he is no prize and she didn’t want to be burdened a liar/cheat and dumped him on the spot.). He came crawling back to you.

Don’t screw up your children by letting him come back. Teach them a positive lesson about adult relationships and move on.

If he was cheating then yes she kicks him out and it's over.

Why on earth would she want to lie to herself if he's cheated? She deserves better than that.

Those that 'overlook' shitty behaviour will end up receiving more of it.

OP I'd be telling him that he either shows you those bank statements and proves unequivocally where he was or he's out.

Nothing less 💐

Well I’d kick him out for cheating.

I did that with my Ex the day I found out!

However the question is the trust is gone - he has told her he was out for a drink she doesn’t believe him. She thinks he’s cheated but stays.

So what would him admitted he’s cheated change?

Because if the answer is she’d kick him out why not doing it now when you don’t trust him or believe him anyway?

I think he was probably seeing her before and was horrified when he left his wife and she dumped him. So not the same as a break.

Maybe he didn't tell the OW about you and she didn't know he was married with kids and then she found out and sent him on his way.
Whatever it was there was definitely another woman.

This has been going on since January. You have had no peace since. It really sounds like the relationship is probably over either way.

Also, as I have been through this myself, he will probably leave again if the other woman changes her mind.
Do you think he could still be seeing her and that she just didn't want him living g there? If his behaviour is different towards you then thats a red flag.

Why did you let him back? Have you been honest with yourself about that? Are you glad you did and do you want him to stay? You don’t seem particularly happy with the decision.

Sometimes we need some sort of proof before taking that decision to end it, particularly when children are involved.

It seems to be largely women that think this way as opposed to men. I doubt if OP went missing for a night and claimed she was just drinking with 'a friend' but refusing to show bank statements her H would give her the benefit of the doubt.

And men that behave like hers has done tend to gaslight women so she will want proof that she's not ending her marriage 'for nothing'.

Of course she doesn't trust him. He broke her trust when he dumped her and fucked off to his Mummys. Who could trust a flake like that again?

Well I couldn't. Hence why I’d leave.

if the trusts gone the relationships gone.