Can someone please tell me the black cloud eventually lifts after a marriage breakup. Struggling to stay sane and feeling lonely.

[XMissPlacedX]

Me and DH have realised over the past few months that our marriage is over. We were once so in love, but after navigating challenges with 4 step children over the last 10 years, alongside everyday life issues, we are both full of hurt and resentment and have lost all ways of communicating.

I feel daunted about the tasks that lay ahead of me. Finding a new place to live (it’s his house) and moving my DD15 (who is half way through her GCSE’s) back to our home country (wales). Starting again on my own.

I have fantasised about it just being me and dd living together as the drama caused by the other step children has just been so exhausting over the years.

But I don’t recognise myself. I used to be happy and positive and able to trust my own instinct. I feel like I have a black cloud over me. Please, someone tell me this passes and your old self came back eventually.

Thankyou

The black cloud will lift and the sun will come out again. It won't be easy of course it won't.Do what you think is right for you and your DD. You will survive. Lesson learned, move on. We all make mistakes, however it isn't a life sentence.

Thankyou so much for replying. I am tired and weighted , I want to feel fresh and light again.

Go for a long walk in the fresh air and clear out the negative thoughts. If your shoulders ache it is because of the stress. Find a spot and sit for a while. It's okay to be emotional. Let it out.

'Finding a new place to live (it’s his house)' Er, no it's not. It's the marital home and you're entitled to a share of it.

Once your head clears and it will, then is the time to sit down with a solicitor and go through the legalities of divorce.

If you’re married then the house is a shared asset. It’s not ‘his house’. How long have you been married? All assets will be divided up between you both and that includes savings, pension values and the house.

I’ve been through a very difficult divorce and yes the cloud does lift. It was hard to believe that it would at times but a few years down the line things are so much better.

Thankyou everyone. Married 7 years, together 9, no children between us. He bought the house around 13 years ago, so before we even met. It’s so sad how someone can go from being a safety net in your life, to become the person that you need a safety net from (nothing physical).

It doesn't matter when he bought the house, it became the marital home and you are entitled to something out of it!

I just want enough to put a deposit down on a little 2 bedroom for me and DD and to buy the basics furniture wise. I don’t want to take his and his children’s home off them, but I don’t want my dd to be any worse off because her mother’s marriage ended. I had my own home before we met, sold it to move in with I’m. I don’t want to end up without a home for her. I will never ever make that mistake again, I feel like such a fool.

I'm so sorry. It is awful and I'm not going to say everything will be amazing going forward. It won't. Life is cruel but it will gradually improve with 3 steps forward 2 steps back days. Just keep going. You deserve to be happy.

What did you do with the proceeds from the sale of your own house?

You will be entitled to something from the marital house. It’s not a very short marriage, or a long one so I’d doubt it would be 50 50 split but you and your daughter will need to be suitably housed and that will be considered in the asset split.

Please get legal advice, and do not listen to anything he said about what you will or won’t get.

I have just booked a free consultation with a family law solicitor for Monday lunchtime. It’s only a half an hour call, but it will give me some clarity. I always thought that because it was his house before then I wouldn’t be entitled to anything. Thankyou all for your responses.

The financial stuff is one worry, but there’s so much sadness and disappointment.

There wasn’t much in the way of proceeds, about £20k, I gave DH £12k of it too make the house (his house) and garden nicer. I used the rest to pay off my car and and a credit card that had about £2k on it.

Your life is going to be SO MUCH EASIER!

Moving and setting up home doesn’t need to be a massive doom and gloom. Enjoy it. Find somewhere nice and make it good for you and your daughter. Think twinkly fairy lights and cosy blankets.

Definitely make sure you get something out his house, you’ve contributed plenty so don’t feel guilty about it. Take what you can get and start fresh. You’ve got good things ahead, bet your daughter will be grateful
to not be sharing her mum with 5 people who are not even related to her! You’ll be absolutely fine 💖

Thankyou, I love the image in my head of a
proper girly space with fairy lights. That made me smile today.

Have you got a record of that? Was it a bank transfer?

he doesn't have to move or lose his kids home. He buys you out of your 50%. The family lawyer will advise you.

Having your own place is wonderful OP. You do what you want. It reflects you and DD

You won’t automatically be entitled to 50% you don’t have children together and it’s a relatively short marriage, possibly a claim on your contribution.

Was you working during the marriage, was you at a career disadvantage?

Your solicitor Monday will give you realistic advice.

Definitely get legal advice, you are entitled to something.
yes, it will get better. It’s going to be hard but you’ve done the hardest part, making the decision to separate. Keep focusing on how wonderful it will be - just you and DD, no drama, in your own place.

@Didntaskyes I have a record of the bank transfer. @professionalcommentreaderyes I’ve always worked full time, I bring home an ok wage, I worked out after all bills are paid me and DD would have £222 per week for food, petrol, clothes and everyday life, so not awful. The best thing is, I won’t get told off and have to deal with a huge drama because I put the heating on.

Sounds life changing and for the better, you got this!

Being in a failing relationship takes up so much headspace. It’s takes some time but I promise things will get better. I am 8 years separated and 1 year divorced. I feel very much at peace with the world. When he comes over to see DS and is in a mood I often think I am well rid! You will get there too.