How to support depressed partner while I am away for work

[Bluefromyonder]

i’m away for work and my DP is depressed. Was depressed before I left and has been going on for years . It’s so hard to have a conversation with him whilst away as he’s monosyllabic, replies to messages with one word answers.

He said he’s feeling low and alone. I asked if I do anything and wished I could give him a hug. He replied ‘Nothing.’ Which just feels like a dagger to my heart.

I’m away still for a couple of weeks. I don’t know how to support him/ not feel guilty I’m away. I feel utterly shit but at same time know I can’t fix him even if I was there. But worry he would hurt himself, he’s called Samaritans before.

Has anyone been in this situation? Don’t feel I can share with friends and family as he’d see it as a betrayal.

He needs to seek professional advice. You are not responsible for his depression.

Does this depression come on regularly just before you’re due to work away?

Focus on your job and your life otherwise you will both end up with mental health struggles. Be careful OP. You can't save someone unless they really want to be saved.

Thanks for your comments, I know it’s true. Sometimes you need to hear someone else say it.

Question of whether my travel brings it on- no he goes through periods of depression even when I’m home. But does feel more acute when I’m away…but also the types of conversations you usually have on phone ‘how are you? ‘What you been up to?’ Etc just land like a stone with someone who is depressed.

I really feel for you. What a difficult situation. There is an amazing author Dorothy Rowe who writes about depression in such a way it helps with our understanding. I hope you can look her up and it helps. Look after yourself.

I'm so sorry, supporting a loved one with depression is hard. You have to look after yourself too as you can't pour from an empty cup and you can't make everything better for them.

Is your partner having treatment for the depression or does he have coping techniques that he uses? Is there someone local to him who can pop in for a cuppa and just check in on him? If you're worried, encourage him to ring the Samaritans or call 111 and press 2 for mental health support.

I know it's frustrating and upsetting if your partner is not responsive to getting help. You can only encourage and support, you can't do it for them. While you're away, check in with texts and calls so he knows you're there for him. But also try and have some time to yourself, do some calming meditations to help you sleep (calm app is good)