Gambling / co parenting

[Chase909]

I have put out my partner for the last time due to his gambling behind my back. A few months ago we made the agreement when we got back together again he would go to a betting shop instead of gambling and using his bank as we planned to buy another house next year. He appeared to be in agreement with me and did not advise he was unhappy.

however, I found him gambling again last Friday and since then we have broken up and our relationship is not good since then. We have two children together and he’s been helping out with bed time etc but I asked him if he could come over a couple of nights to enable me to go out as I have no one else I can ask. Of course now he is living with his mum so he can freely go out at night as he is no longer living with us and he said no and that I had to choose what night I wanted to go out and he wouldn’t sit while they sleep.

after a telephone call he did agree but said I’ve not to be late as he has work in the morning but it was only a week ago if I told him I was going out at night he wouldn’t have had a problem with it but now we’re not together everything has changed.

Since ending our 7 and half year relationship due to him continuing to gamble behind my back it’s left me feeling like I’m in the wrong and now he’s telling me I’m controlling in this and he doesn’t want to be with me.

I just don’t know how to navigate co parenting but it’s leaving me resentful as he is able to go as he pleases at night and I now need to ask permission to go out and I’m at the mercy of him. I feel his mum is talking a lot about me as we had a argument due to his gambling etc and since he spoke to her all of sudden I’m controlling and he wasn’t happy but his mum wouldn’t apologise to me even though I view the argument being her who started it.

how to best handle co parenting and why I am left feeling I’m in the wrong and I’ve broken up our family when it was him and his gambling and his inability to take any accountability.

views / advice thanks

He won’t coparent readily if at all because his primary relationship is with gambling. That is all he cares about and therefore he is not reliable nor responsible . Let his mother continue to enable him and in turn drag her down with him.

If he is employed I would submit a child maintenance claim for both children as he remains financially responsible for them

Unfortunately he can do this if he wants to, submit a CMS claim so he pays maintenance although if he is paying towards a current mortgage/bills I would be wary of doing that incase you end up getting less via CMS than you already get.

Coparenting well requires two adults who want to make it work, if he doesn’t then you have no hope really as no court will ever force him to see his children, do any care/overnights etc if he doesn’t want to.

Swap the word gambling for addict. You need to fly solo now

You need to come up with a proper plan as to which days/nights he’s having the kids every week (whether that’s every other weekend or whatever) and then you can plan your nights out on nights he has the kids.

If he refuses to have them, there’s not much you can do about it but make a claim for child maintenance payments from him and formalise the split and coparenting exercise that way.

Don’t make the children available to him on his terms and an ad hoc basis and don’t allow him into your home when you’re there with your children for bath or whatever - split the kids time between you according to whatever suits your circumstances and then that’s your plan.

Sorry posted on wrong thread!

You are not in the wrong at all, he is the one who has let you all down time and again. It's difficult co-parenting with an addict - he's inherently selfish and will always put himself first. Try and pin him down to regular days if you can - it is much better for the children to have consistency.