Am I expecting too much ?

[Marie41]

My partner and I have been together 2.5 years. He has a 15 year old and I have an 11 year old and 17 year old.
We are are both in our forties and divorced. I am starting to question the relationship and I’m not sure what to make of it all.
I have seen his child twice in all the time we have been together. I have no idea why as he spends time with my children and I have mentioned wanting to spend time all together as we talk of marriage and living together. I would also live to meet his mother who lives only a few hours away but again that’s not happened.
We visited a house a while ago we loved it. He told the estate agent he’d like to visit again the following week with a building company to get a quote and then nothing happened. When I asked him he told me he’d put an offer in and it had been refused as it was too low.
I’m starting to feel very lonely in the relationship as we always seem to have limited Time together. One evening in the week and sometimes a Saturday night overnight. I don’t know how to bring it up as in the past he’s told me to be patient.
I know he loves me but I just want to know that I’m not hznging on for a life that Will never happen

Is it that you want to live together? Because its not really clear what it is you you want by your post.

if its living together do you mind if i ask why you want that?

I would like we spend more Time together and yes live together

You have not met his family (Mum) after two and a half years - unless they are estranged that is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Is he single?

Do you go to his house often or does he only come to yours? Have you met his friends?

i have met a sister and brother
I have the code for his front door as he says he wants me to feel at home there

It sounds like you're on different pages as to where the relationship is going. You need to have an honest conversation if you're not happy with the amount of time you spend together. It may be that his 15 year old isn't interested in playing happy families with you and your kids. He may want to wait until they are an adult before moving in together.

O Marie… what he is doing is called Future Faking - ie, he has you dangling
while he lives his life, with the occasional Saturday night sleepover.

How can you describe this arrangement as a relationship?

What will your children make of this situation do you think, have you thought?
Has your ll year old started Secondary School this week? a major change,
exciting, needs your attention.
Your 17 year old, is he/she at school or College, a young man/young lady,
on the brink of adulthood, soon to voice an opinion you may not like.

Define for yourself, ‘partner’ fiance, boyfriend, fwb, occasional shag, user.

Why do you have to be patient? How patient? Ask him exactly what he means by this. He's biding his time because he doesn't want to commit is how I see it. What reason is there for him not to move forward with the relationshi. Ask him why you haven't met his mother yet. Just ask him outright.
If you're worried that these questions will push him then that tells you everything. That you're not sure of his commitment (well that's obvious anyway, sorry) and maybe scared of losing him but if he's that easily frightened off then he was never going to commit anyway.

Does his child not want to spend time with you? 13-15 can be a difficult age. Does he have commitments which means he can’t spend more time with you? I don’t understand why you would look at houses when you haven’t spent much time with his child or all together. It doesn’t sound like you’d be in a position to move in together for quite a long while.

It’s very hard to know the reasons why without asking him directly, but very easy to speculate and get the wrong end of the stick. Just ask him outright, what do you have to lose?

Ask him what he wants. Tell him what you want. If both sides differ, part

It rather sounds as though he's marking time.

I didn’t meet my now husbands kids until we decided to move in together nearly 4 years later. His kids were 19 and 16 by then. I met his parents a few times before that. He met my kids fairly early on but they lived with me. I don’t find it particularly strange if I’m honest maybe like others have said his kids maybe don’t want to be a part of your unit.

I know he loves me

Do you? Or does he just say the right combination of words and do just enough of the right stuff for you to believe that he does?

Meeting siblings is easy. It's like meeting friends. Meeting parents and spending time with your children is very different.

Have you heard the term “place holder?”

He’s a lucky chap isn’t he?
Keep's you at arm’s length from his family. Future fakes with talk about houses.
Gets a regular $hag on Saturday nights …

Make up your own mind about where you feature in his life.

He seems to be quite happy with his life as it is now, and doesn't appear to be in any hurry to change anything. He's expecting you to wait and be patient - what for? So he can make his mind up whether he can be bothered?

If your expectations are different (and there's no reason why they shouldn't be), then perhaps this relationship is not going to give you what you are looking for.

Sadly he might only ever just want a girlfriend.

I wouldn't necessarily ask him what he wants, talk is cheap. Watch his actions - in what ways and directions is he progressing his life? Then you'll have the answer.