How do you actually get over a break up?

[Spondoolie]

It’s been four weeks and I am still just looping and looping. Just empty and showing up at life rather than living it. An empty shell. One foot in front of the other.

I’m 49, 4 year relationship and an in a mess

One day at a time, allow yourself to feel all the emotions. Work on yourself, lots of self care. It will get easier, I promise x

Big hugs. Bit of wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself, then a determination to pull yourself together and get on with life. Keep busy, look after yourself and stop thinking about 'what if' etc. One day at a time and before you know it, it will get easier.

Is it your first breakup?

Keeping busy, seeing friends, taking up a new sport - yoga, running group, dance class. Basically fake it til you make it - one day soon you will realise that you are feeling happy for real! And when you find your thoughts turning to him - distraction! Sort out a messy drawer, empty and clean the fridge, go out for a brisk walk in the fresh air. You will get there 💐

Take a trip as far away as you can. Strangely distance is as good as time for getting you over it.

You have to at some point make the decision for yourself that you are going to be ok. Make the decision not to dwell on it and to recover and grow past it.
Time is a healer. But you need to also be motivated to feel better.

I’m 8 weeks after a break up. I’ve done a lot of self reflection in that time and hopefully grown emotionally from any mistakes on my part. I’ve signed up to Strava and done some serious miles walking with my headphones on just so I’m not sat alone at home wallowing. I’ve also been on the heartbreak diet so starting to feel a bit better about myself physically. 8 weeks I’m feeling the start of acceptance stage of this grief. Might have set myself back a bit be popping in to see him in work (we were colleagues) keep going I promise it gets easier slowly

Oh bless you. You’re in the thick of it.

My tips: feel it as much as you can. Maybe give yourself 20 mins in the morning. Then keep busy and distracted. As soon as they pop into your mind, think about something else. Or get up and go for a walk. See friends, family etc. Keep distracted with work. Join a gym. Plan a holiday. Pick up a new hobby.

Grieve but also know time heals everything.

Sending a hug x

Ive had a few (4 year breakups and shorter ones). This is going to sound brutallu harsh but having now been single for a long time (with some shorter term dating), my approach is give myself a statute of limitations to wallow. For a short relationship I would say 1 week. For a long relationship with is going to be a major adjustment reaction, I say 2 weeks. Just wallow. Stare into space. Be annoyed. Binge watch. Do nothing. Whatever. Then after that time period, force yourself to do things for you that make you feel better - self care, joy, hobbies etc. Still no expectation other than just discovering something enjoyable and pleasure. I feel that is the only healing pathway, plus time. Of course they will come into your head, but much less often if you are busy. I was like this about a job that didnt work out and I can laugh about it now - I have not forgotten nor have I fully learned everything from it, but I am not held back by it. Good luck.

Thank you everyone. These messages really have helped me. I just feel as though I should be ok by now and I am not. One foot in front of the other for now xx

It’s just happened to me this evening so I feel the pain and following for any tips 😢
sending love.

Only 2 ways, time, which is a great healer, and by getting under someone else which is not a method i would necessarily recommend but it does work.

Let yourself feel the feelings but plan some things you can look forward to for the near, medium and further future. Not necessarily expensive fancy holidays (though do these hy all means if an option) just nice things to do. They'll come around and distract you and eventually you’ll realise you don’t feel as bad as you did and either have new memories or new things you picked up along the way. Feel better 💐