Has anyone coparenting moved back the ex for strictly coparenting?

[motherhoodisntfortheweak]

We’ve been separated for 2 years. Coparenting as I moved out. I am renting a 2 bed house on the area which is local to the primary school and he owns a 2 bed house which he lives in not too far from the schools but driving distance. Kids are of different sexes so they can’t continue sharing rooms as dd is now 13. With the housing crisis at the moment, I would like to buy a 3bed as do not want to rent forever so will have to move away from my work and both kids’ schools to rent to buy (30min drive); Which i am planning to. Ex has suggested we find a 4 /5bed house together in my area (which we lived together before) as separated couple so that the kids stay in one house. That we should continue to live separately but in the same house. I have said no as the thought of living with him again didn’t sit well with me. He has since asked again and suggested that we won’t be seeing each other in this home as we will have separate bedrooms and our focus will be purely the kids which is the case now but obviously living apart. Part of me thinks it’s better for the kids as they need separate bedrooms now but it’s the practicalities of me and him living together as we still have to discuss things and there’s an issue of housework. Etc. I definitely know it’s not straightforward and my response to him remains no. However i can’t stop thinking about how easy indeed it will be for the kids. Has anyone done this or doing this?? What’s the outcome?

I would think that would be worse for the kids, extremely confusing.

If you would continue as separated but house sharing how would you handle legal implications, future romantic relationships, distribution of costs and chores?

I would suspect it would be very easy to fall into a situation where you do all the house work, most of the child care and he lives a a single man (who gets his washing down for him)

Don't do it, OP.

edited because I realised I basically said what the PP said.

Thank you for the replies it’s definitely not as straightforward as he thinks that’s why I wanted other peoples’ opinions. X

I can see why he’s suggesting that as his life would be easier, for all the reasons PP’s have suggested. But yours won’t. It’ll cause confusion and even more damage to kids to see you arguing over all the same things you split up to avoid, and more.

Me and my ex have a flat and a house nearby. The kids stay in the house 100% of the time and we do a week in the flat and then a week with the kids at the house. It's not ideal, but it does mean the kids have a permanent home and stability in terms of their space without us all having to live together.

This sounds like a terrible idea.

The kids will be confused. Someone will have to be driving the kids to school.

How will you handle dating and other relationships? I would never date someone who lives with their ex.

I see this quickly turning into you doing the wife work while he stays single man.

Were there any abuse or control issues in your marriage? This idea actually sounds a bit controlling. If so, those will resurface.

Just say no, that doesn't work for you. You're divorced and don't want to go backwards in your life.

@AdeleRochester I agree as he cooked but never cleaned did DIY and gardening yes but never did daily cleaning and kids washing as I had to stop doing his washing. He’s thinking about ‘the kids’ yes but he knows he will be better off. A problem shared is half solved . Thanks

I think your instinctive “no” is the right one. 💐

@outerspacepotatoyes emotional abuse (name calling) and controlling

Then absolutely not. This is a way to get you back under his control and it will get very bad.

@outerspacepotato so true. Thank you

Plus you will have no escape if you are tangled owing a big house together.

Your other option is to buy a 2 bed, have a very nice sofa bed in living room - that would be so preferable than living with ex.

A 2-bed with the potential to put a room in the loft?

Another solution will present itself @motherhoodisntfortheweak your instinct of No was correct - trust it

The reasons why you split with him are still there clearly
He will be back to abusing you and bossing you around while you will be paying for the privilege of cleaning up after him
Plus the nightmares splitting another house will be there you both split up again

There would be no benefit to you

Then no. And of course he thinks it will work- he’ll get his house cleaned, you on standby if he wants to go out.

Also if you ever want to date again even if he doesn’t make it a nightmare for you any normal decent man is going to see this situation as a parade of red flags

No way would I do this. If he was abusive and controlling, it would be a very bad idea to share a house with him again. Either move to a 3 bed or give the 2 kids the bedrooms and get a sofa bed to sleep on in the lounge for now.

I do this. Co-parent in the same house.
I don't want to see my dc 50% of the time which I'm pretty sure will happen. I was abandoned as a child and I think that has a lot to do with it.
It's more comfortable financially and yes dc get to have their own bedrooms.
But, it comes at a cost.
There is always a low lying tension. DC will come to think of this as normal behaviour for relationships.
A new relationship can never fully move on and resentment will probably grow if dating begins.
I have contemplated leaving and would likely have to sleep downstairs in the lounge allowing my dc to have a bedroom each (I think this is good advice) and it something I could live with.
You've go out of the situation (unlike me). Do you really want to return to it?
What benefits other than financial (which I understand is important) do you see?

Thanks @thedarkisherefor sharing your experience,he's suggested it before but i said no. My daughter seemed excited however she’s a child and just wants her own room. He suggested again yesterday I did say no but started to think of how easy it could be for the kids .But no am not going back. I can’t live like that again. What’s done is done will start saving for a 3 bed. He can move nearer if he wants but he won’t be living with me.

I would not. Can you get a 2 bed and a sofa bed for lounge so kids get a bedroom each.

He is clearly still very controlling and manipulative. Your first no should have been the end of the discussion...instead he has asked repeatedly, disregarding your boundaries to the point you started giving it consideration.

Remain firm and tell him the decision is final and that you won't be discussing it any further.