Handhold, just kicked my partner/daughter's father out

[ScepticScully]

I'm exhausted and tired so sorry for typos/dripfeeds etc.

I've been with my partner for over 12 years. We have a 3 year old together. When I was pregnant, he went from being the loveliest partner to huge anger management issues. Punching walls etc, binge drinking and disappearing. I ended up with a disability from the pregnancy and during this he would be angry about this effect on our lives, my chronic pain etc. We used up my savings on mat leave because he didn't want to work 4 days a week and wanted to work 3 to keep working on his on creative career. I also have a creative career but am more successful.

He has since our child was born, not wanted to miss out on what his friends are doing (who earn better money in stable jobs) and so this means no family holidays, and I've not been abroad since our child was born.

He has just come back from another 4 day festival last weekend. Today I went out for 6 hours with our child after a long week of work and came back after asking him to sort the house out, to nothing being done and he'd been off doing his own creative work.

Read him the riot act and packed him a bag. He's left but now feel so worried about the morning when my child wakes up and freaks out he isn't there..... And also where to go from here.

Sorry to read your post @ScepticScully. Have you got some RL support close by? Sorry for everything you have been going through I hope you can feel strong enough to go it on your own this man child doesn't sound like he is enhancing your life at all.
Have you got seperate finance? People are often known to drain joint accounts in these circumstances. I hope you are safe too. Don't hesitate to call the police if he comes back Starting with you. 💐

Sadly not. I'm not from the UK originally and becoming disabled has isolated me a lot from friends. I have some super close friends but they sadly all live a significant distance away.

So sorry this male has turned against you. Are you able to live without his financial contribution? Make sure you secure your credit card/SM/bank accounts. Inform LL he is no longer living there. Start to actively meet more people and cultivate a social life here. Do not let him back into your life under any circumstances.

The Trash has taken itself out, make sure it stays there and doesn't foul your air.

Sounds like he has really isolated you and is financially abusing you. Are you ok to stay in the UK without being with him? I think you should urgently contact women's aid and ask for help from them to get you turned round.x

How are you @ScepticScully ?

Hi ScepticScully,

We're really sorry you're going through such a stressful time.

We can see that you're getting some support from other Mumsnetters here on your thread, but we just wanted to add some links to steer you in the direction of help that's available in real life.

Please also take a look at our domestic abuse support page - here - it lists lots of organisations which could give you some support. One such organisation is Women's Aid. Here's a link to the Women's Aid webpage - and here's their page entitled Am I in an abusive relationship?

We've also put together some information, in conjunction with Women's Aid, about where to find help for anyone in an abusive or controlling relationship. Please take a look here - Walking on eggshells.

We really hope you're okay.

You’ve been carrying a lot for a long time, so it’s understandable you’ve reached breaking point. Your child may be upset in the morning, but they can be reassured and comforted. Given the anger and punching walls, prioritise your and your child’s safety.

You could calm the child first by sharing that her father is away and went for some work or anything. Then you could ask for help or a place to settle with any of your reliable relative or friend.

Even if your child expresses misses his father, he is also going to be relieved. Just like with adults, the feelings for an abuser are complex.

You have done the right thing. It’s going to be hard and scary, but you will get through this change.

Hey @ScepticScully hope you are ok.